limited animation vs flash

Created for my GIT 314 Honors Contract

Frozen

Wicked 2: Icy Boogaloo

... I'd say something witty, but that sums it up. Frozen is Wicked. Elsa, the queen with ice powers, is Elphaba, in both character and voice. Anna is basically a depowered Good Witch... The songs resemble songs form Wicked, (Let it Go = Defying Gravity), they even have their own version of the munchkins.

Don't think that I'm saying Disney is just copying Wicked, I only just now noticed the similarities, and find it more amusing than annoying.


Frozen is another great movie by Disney, who have officially hit their stride again. Go see it.

I can nary think of anything negative about the film... Maybe a few minor gripes, but nothing that detracts from the film. Even the comedy relief character Olaf isn't annoying, and is even useful in the film, with some decent gags.


The only other thing of note here is that it seems like Disney tried to avert as many tropes as possible in this film, or at the very least toy around with them, which lies in stark contrast to their older works. It works well to the film's advantage, though it made predicting a couple twists easier since they went a little too heavy on it... But that could just be because I'm crazy and read TVtropes to relax.







It is somewhat hard to place where all my favorite animated movies would go in a list now... I'm gonna have to figure out some kind of system...

Robots: Friends, not Foes

This was created as a group project for FMS 110 at ASU.

Mass Effect 2: Log 2

- Begin Log 2 -

Hoo boy this game picks up in speed after a bit.
It'd be shorter simply to list what happened, then possibly going into detail.

1. Recruited Tali'zora Vas Normandy, an engineer
2. recruited Grunt, a Krogen tank-bred warrior
3. Recruited Thane, an assassin
4. Got the loyalty of all but my newest crew member Thane.

Three bullet points, that took me about 12 more hours this weekend.

Don't get me wrong, it's fun, but time consuming. It takes half an hour to do a mission, and half an hour to do side stuff to prep for it. And I did a lot of missions...

I'll say it again incase it wasn't clear in the first log: I do not like Cerberus, the organization you work for in the game. Not only are they in a very dark gray area of morality, it feels like the game is trying to say they are the good guys, when I emphatically disagree.

Want to know my morality within the game? It's rather simple: Don't risk lives unnecessarily, look for peace rather than a fight at all times, and humans are boring so go with the aliens. That and take the paragon option all the time; but that's usually because it falls within that paradigm. I will sometimes take the "renegade" option (not actually red text, just the one that gives points) when it actually does fall under the purview... such as telling Tali that I will help her reclaim her homeworld from the Geth.

(Geth are robots with AI for those not knowledgeable about the Mass Effect world. Though I am somewhat curious if we can negotiate with them...)

But anyway, back to Cerberus. seems like every time I turn around they're doing something shifty. Sending me and my team into an obvious trap just to get some data on the collectors, hiding information from crew members, and running a facility where they kidnap children to experiment on them to enhance biotic powers.

As a side note, I have a series in the works that has a major plot revolving around an institution that kidnaps and tortures children to advance their abilities in controlling light and darkness. Has nothing to do with the Mass Effect story, and the people that come out of it are very different from Jack.

Anyway, dislike for Cerberus aside, I know I only have two more people to recruit before my team is full (minus a DLC character...). Once my team is complete, everyone is loyal, all my upgrades are full, and my level is maxed, I will then be ready for whatever waits for em in the "suicide mission."

I'm hoping to bring everyone back alive, even Thane who is technically dying already.

But, before that, there is the obvious mini-mission within the series... the romance subplot.

      In Mass Effect, you cna forma relationship with one of your crew members. Men can romance Miranda and Tali, while women can romance Garrus and Jacob.

     Since my character is a woman, and I find Garrus to be badass, I went with pursuing him. No offense to Jacob, I just find humans boring. That and he's Cerberus, and me no-likey Cerberus.

Garrus is fun to talk to and romance; he's so calm and happy on the battlefield, but even mention sexy-times and he becomes a stuttering nervous mess. Much more interesting character. That and he also has a list of fun places to fight in, which includes antique stores. He's fun.
     The only other option I might've gone with is Mordin, because I like motor-mouthes. And he sings a variation of "I am the Very Model of a Modern Major General."
He is not allowed to die. Ever.


There are still a number of missions to do before the game is over... But I'm thinking I'll do two play throughs. Next time with an infiltrator class. I may also do a more "Captains Log" style posting about their adventures...

But, this is it until I play another round.

- End Log 2 -

Mass Effect 2: Log 1

- Begin Log 1 -

Well, here's something that may surprise some people...
I have never played any game in the Mass Effect series before. I've heard it's a great series, but I never had any interest. I'm not a fan of shooters, and it was practically impossible to avoid hearing about the ending of Mass Effect 3 there was so much hate surrounding it.
So, I don't like shooters, I've never played any of the games before, and I know how it all ends. Why am I playing this game?

Because Steam had it on sale this weekend. For 5 bucks.
I figured "Eh, why not?" and went ahead and bought it. I know a number of people who loved the series, who fully recommend it, so why not give it a try? I mean, I rather enjoyed Deus Ex: Human Revolution, and that was a shooter in the same vein as this, and it was also critically acclaimed. 5 bucks for hours of gameplay, I can work with that.


I've logged 12 hours in it, since I started playing Saturday afternoon.
Now, that's not nearly as much as Pokemon was after a couple days of having it, but the circumstances for the two differ... Mostly in the fact Pokemon came during my school break. It's not a quality problem at all, it's just the timing, and the fact Pokemon is portable.
But I'm getting off track...
I decided to do a series of logs on the game. Similar to vlogs, but in text form. (Which technically is a blog, but log sounds better, and makes the fact it's purely text obvious) This will have my thoughts on sections I've completed, as well as possible predictions, some minor confusion, and just generally anything you'd get out of a lets play... but in text form, with more thought behind it.


Going into the game, I knew a few things:

1. The choice system
     You have complete control over what your character says and does. Your choices affect the ending of the game, as well as your relationship with crew members. You also get two different morality choices; Paragon, and Renegade. Paragon is basically playing as white knight, helping people and protecting the innocent and refusing to give up one's morals. Renegade is the bad cop; a lot of bad ass actions, but poor people skills.

2. 50% of the crew
     I knew about Tali, the girl in the suit with the high-tech gas mask. Pretty much impossible to avoid learning about her. I also knew a couple things about the Asari (matriarchal race of bi-sexual "women." They basically look like the many aliens James Kirk would bang). And I knew about the Krogans and their sterility plague the genophage.

3. The Reapers
     Blame pop-culture osmosis and late-arrival spoiler, I know all about the reapers. Basically they're Daleks, but much less cool.

But beyond that, these are my first impressions.


Now, I actually ran through the intro to the game twice; once without the Origins DLC, and once with. The first time through, I knew bugger all about anything. Who anyone was, or why anything was happening. So, I went ahead and installed the Dark Horse Mass Effect: Origins interactive comic.
The comic basically re-tells the story of Mass Effect 1, and gives you some choices to alter the story, as well as introduce characters. It is basically creating a mass effect 1 save to transfer over.

The intro is simple; the ship is attacked, and the crew must abandon ship. Shepard (last name of the main character, because no one in video game sis researching the ability to name a character, and actually have someone call them by name outside of text) goes to the bridge to retrieve the pilot. She (I went with the female option, because male Shepard seems very dull to me) manages to get him to an escape pod, but before she can get in too, another laser strikes the ship, cutting it to pieces, and sending Shepard out into space, where she suffocates, and plummets down towards a nearby planet.

Two years later, she is brought back to life by a group called Cerberus (after a sequence that looks almost exactly like the one in Deus Ex: Human Revolution). Cerberus is apparently a pro-human organization. Not anti-alien, just pro-human. However, Shepard apparently fought them in Mass Effect 1, so they aren't really to be trusted. I went with the soldier class, mostly just because I'm not very good with shooters, and I didn't really want anything extremely complicated on my first go-through.

After a couple disinteresting battles, I end up on Omega, which is basically Tatoooine without the sand, and the Hutt was removed from power by someone who looks like a hand maiden. Here, I picked up Mordin Solus, who quickly became my favorite person to talk to. I just love smart motor-mouths for some reason. He was on Omega working on a cure for a plague that was infesting a neighborhood; turned out the source was a group of bat-people called the Vorcha, which are in league with the collectors (the ones that attacked the ship in the beginning), who are in turn in league with the Reapers. 6 Degrees of reapers!~
After combating the plague and recruiting Mordin, I then went to recruit "Archangel" A mercenary Turian (think part raptor and part bike helmet) holed up in a building, with mercenary groups beating down his door. Having gone through the Origins DLC, I knew the Turian to be Garrus, a former crew member. And he is awesome.
Leading up to recruiting Garrus though, you are able to sabotage the mercenary's attack capabilities... One is to make a large mech attack the mercenaries instead, and another is to disable an attack copter. I switched the allegiance of the mech, but I couldn't disable the chopper...
Well, I could, but that involved a renegade action. I figured I'd deal with the chopper when it came. However, in a moment that I had initially believed to be a very great player punch, when the chopper arrives, it blasts Garrus, severely wounding him. It really made me wish I had disabled the copter, maybe then he wouldn't have been ambushed and scarred..
Until I looked up online that the chopper attacks regardless. So great, it's a purely gameplay driven effect in making the chopper weaker and easier to fight... Would've been so much better as a flat player punch that can be changed with just one bad deed. But I guess the conversations with him would need to be dramatically different...

Anyway, after picking up Garrus, I went and got Jack, who is basically River Tam from Firefly, but bald and with a lot of tattoos. She did not particularly want to join, and would only do so if Cerberus gave her all their information on her. I have zero qualms with that, I am looking for any excuse to completely cut ties with Cerberus if I can, and I want the information they have too. I look forward to unlocking the blocks on the AI's information so I can learn everything about Cerberus. Sure they revived Shepard, but they are looking to use her (or him) as an icon for the organization, to make it appear "not as bad."

After picking up Jack, I ventured to the Citadel (think Corussant from Star Wars). For two reasons, one to pick up some higher-end rations at the request of the cook, and to speak to the ambassador for the humans. During that meeting, there was a meeting with the council (pretty much what it says on the tin; a group of ambassadors from several alien races). The council wanted to know why I was with Cerberus... I told them I wasn't with them, and I accepted the reinstatement as a Spectre (special ops, allowed to do whatever is necessary to get the job done). However, they told me I'd be fine as long as I stayed within the Terminus systems...

... What are the Terminus systems? Is it the galaxy I'm currently in? Will I get in trouble if I go to the other side of the galaxy? But the normandy crash int he beginning was on the other side, so is it a part of the Terminus systems? Is it even possible for me to leave the terminus systems? Obviously it must be since they have to tell me not to leave them, but just how limiting is that? Am I just going to have to break that clause immediately just to continue? Bureaucracy really sucks when things are unclear...


And, apart from doing some planetary scans and gathering materials, that's where I left off.

I don't know when I'll have the time to play again, but I shall try and make another log when I do.


- End Log 1 -

The Stanley Parable

BA-DA-DUM DA-DA-DUM-DA-DUM. BA-DA-DUM DA-DA-DUM-DA-DUM. BA-DA-DUM DA-DA-DUM-DA-DUM.

Follow the loverly yellow adventure line™ through the halls~

BA-DA-DUM DA-DA-DUM-DA-DUM. BA-DA-DUM DA-DA-DUM-DA-DUM. BA-DA-DUM DA-DA-DUM-DA-DUM...


     The Stanley Parable is an Indie game that has its roots as a Half-Life 2 mod. The entire thing is a parody and deconstruction of tropes surrounding video games, form the illusion of choice to the innate beliefs of gamers. This game does mess with your head, though not as much as a game like Antichamber.
      What's the plot? Move forward. The plot does not move forward if you don't. It's where you move forward to that determines the plot.

     But, the game starts as thus: Stanley is a boring average joe, working at a company where his job is to press buttons as he is told to do so.
     Now, that's sounds like the first clue in a Doctor Who mystery, where it turns out each button press is a piece of code that would murder anyone who saw two of the sequence in the same proximity, thus necessitating multiple people, and seemingly random button presses. You know, like Monty Python's funniest joke in the world.
     But one day, Stanley discovers that the orders have stopped, and that everyone in the office has disappeared. So he heads off to investigate.
Or stay in his room, if you elect so.

     That is the bread and butter of this game: choices leading to an ending. You are presented a number of them throughout the story. Choosing the right ones will lead to a happy ending, while choosing the wrong ones will give a bad ending. Sometimes. It depends on your view. and your stamina. This game is incredibly short, and impossibly long. I'll explain...

     If you just want one ending, the game lasts about 5-10 minutes. If you want to see them all... It will take more than 4 hours. Even with speed running, it will take at least four hours to get every ending. Why? because one ending requires you to press a button for two hours, and you are then given another button to press in addition to it for another two hours, and then you get another ending. FUN!

     Needless to say, I have not even bothered with that ending. It could impart the knowledge of the universe and grant super powers and I would not care enough to press two buttons for FOUR HOURS.
That is where the game is impossibly long. If you are going for every single ending possible. You don't get anything for it; no achievement, no trophy... You simply get to experience it.
And it is AMAZING.
     I spent three hours in the game experiencing a lot of the endings myself, and despite how cynical it all is, it is quite fun.

     Oh, you're wondering how it is cynical? Well, there is a narrator narrating the story, and talking to Stanley, or about Stanley... Believe it or not, the "good" ending (and the only one with an achievement) is found by following what he says. It is not even possible to progress in one spot without the narrator giving information Stanley would not know. All that the Stanley Parable is, relies on this narrator. He is the one giving a story to your decisions, and allowing you to make decisions... Unless of course, he gets tired of it and simply puts you on a railroad.

Or in one case, an adventure line™.

BA-DA-DUM DA-DA-DUM-DA-DUM. BA-DA-DUM DA-DA-DUM-DA-DUM. BA-DA-DUM DA-DA-DUM-DA-DUM.


     The game is more of an experience than anything else. But it is more than just a movie, because you do have some choice about the outcome, even if you didn't know what that choice was.


     There is only one thing I can say I am sad about the game: it is too short. I do want more options, and more endings, and more paths. I want the game to have many more branching paths, so more possible endings come about.
      I hope this game gets a sequel... Actually, the game could work on mobile devices, given its very simple control scheme. Maybe they could look into that market as well, and use subsequent funds to make more games.


For story, I give the game a 9/10.
For gameplay, a 6/10. It is just too short, and you realize very quickly how few routes there are, and how you don't even need to be methodical about the endings.
Averaged score: 7.5/10. It has a great and fun story, but that unfortunately left me wanting more, with no way to satisfy it...


Though I do love the Confusion ending.
Because of this music:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2n7cx1ZmKjk&list=LL3t9wNv2T0xPksf6z_dEFoQ&feature=mh_lolz

BA-DA-DUM DA-DA-DUM-DA-DUM. BA-DA-DUM DA-DA-DUM-DA-DUM. BA-DA-DUM DA-DA-DUM-DA-DUM.


This has been Fixer Sue.

Playing the Lyre- The Emperor's New Groove, and Yes Man

Introduction

     We've all probably heard the term "Tugging at our heart strings." It refers to the act of trying to garner sympathy through a sad story...



     I hate that.
     I HATE it when something tries to say "you should feel bad because of this!" If I want to feel bad about it, I will, but I don't want to when you try to forcibly tell me I should. Tugging at the heart strings is like pulling a single chord on a lyre and saying "Isn't that beautiful?" Yeah, maybe, but it is just a single note. How much can one care about a single note? You have to give us a song, actually play the lyre, and play it well, before you can begin to make claims about its beauty.

     In a less abstract fashion, this applies to movies as well. I hate sad stories because they want you to feel bad for everyone involved, yet I see no reason to care for them. Sure you want them to get a happy ending, but if the entire movie is sad and somber, how much do you expect that happy ending? And when it comes, how much less do you care because you lost interest in the characters because you knew only bad things would happen to them?

     You remember the trope "Comedy Relief?" There was a time where it wasn't just in comedies; it used to be in dramas, where it belonged. It was a scene or person that could release the tension, and help the audience relax, and allow the audience to care what happened again. After all, if something funny can happen in a sad story, then it surely must be interesting right?

      That is just it. Pathos doesn't work when you only work on one emotion, it requires that you use the full range. In a comedy, you need drama. In a drama, you need comedy.
To quote Joss Whedon: "Make it dark, make it grim, make it tough, but then, for the love of God, tell a joke."
     It really works wonders when it comes to making people care about characters; because people like to laugh more than cry.

     Thus we come to my point: the pathos in a comedy is greater than that in a drama.
(Saying it out loud, it sounds like something that'd come out of my "philosophy" teacher...)


To prove my point, I have two movies: Disney's The Emperor's New Groove, and Yes Man.
Both of them are comedies, and both have much stronger moments than anything even an Oscar-winning drama can drum up, because they play the lyre well.


First, the Emperor's New Groove.

The Emperor's New Groove

A Comedy through and through, that was funny as a kid, and has gotten better with age. Unlike other Disney films, this movie does not have any big depressing moments (like Bambi's Mom, Hazel the squirrel, Mulan being discovered, et cetera), and quite frankly, such a moment would not be fitting. There is a bit of a somber moment leading into the third act, but the somber moment revolves around a character lost in their own blue screen of death, and acceptance of their fate, as well as character development.
The movie plays a very happy tune... But the true strength lies in what notes are not played.
I'm pulling a song lyric here to explain:

"I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord"
Leonard Cohen, "Hallelujah"
-Courtesy of AZ Lyrics

On the heartstrings Lyre, there is a note that resonates very well. Undesired attempts to pull it will have the opposite reaction, and a note won't sound. That chord is what a film wants to hit. Emperor's New Groove does not hit it... But it doesn't need to.

Consider this: Kuzco (the eponymous emperor) is only 18 years old. Recall what you were like at 18. Likely it is no different from when you were 15 or 16; you know, still a kid. He has also been waited on hand and foot all his life (so of course he's going to be spoiled and not care about the lives of others). The closest thing he has had to a family is Yzma, who is scary beyond all reason, and is the cause of Kuzco's predicament. We know this because Yzma said she practically raised him, and he has been emperor for at least 10 years if not his entire life, meaning his parents have been dead for quite a while. And by the end of the movie, Kuzco does gain a good friend, and a pseudo-family. These are all things that would allow the movie to hit that secret chord, yet the movie does not hit it. Why? Because it never brings it up, just sets it up and implies it. The movie does not have to play the chord, because it is letting you play it.

I dub this action "Implied Pathos." Where if you're not interested, you can ignore the pathos as the film does not play it. But if you are, you can complete the song. Implied pathos does not need to mention it or discuss it, it merely lets you play the notes.

This only really works in a comedy, because the implied pathos needs something to hide behind. In a drama, it is front and bare. In a comedy, it is safe, and can arise when it is called.

The Emperor's New Groove is hardly a perfect movie, but it ranks highly on my list of top 10 Disney movies. It is still below Wreck-It Ralph, but that is for a reason explained by the next movie...

Yes Man

     You know why Spiderman 2 is considered by some to be the best super hero movie ever? I don't entirely know, but one piece of it is watching a character we like put his life back together.

    Yes Man is basically Carpe Diem, without the ties to the stupid actions of "YOLO." It's a man learning not to pass up living your life, and to enjoy every day. It would make a decent drama... But a significantly better comedy. Why? 

     It all comes down to sympathy and empathy. It's easier to empathize with someone you like, than someone you're indifferent to. And it is easier to like someone when they make you laugh.

     In a drama, Carl (our main character) wouldn't be as enjoyable, because he's just a normal guy who happened to live a boring life. So when he improves his life, we don't care nearly as much.

     While in a comedy, (Or rather, this movie), we are brought along for the ride. We care what happens to him, because it can mean making us laugh. It's the same thing with Buddy from Elf. 

There is also another factor: if a character's going on a ride, the audience needs to experience it in some way too.

just take this scene:

     You don't need context.

     That scene is what I mean by bringing the audience along. Don't lead them by the nose, but let them follow. Entice them. If a character is having fun, help the audience have fun too.

     Make a character fun and funny, people will like him and care what happens. Take them on a ride with that character, and they'll love them more.

Why does a comedy have better pathos than a drama?
Because it does not need to force it on you. It can hide the pathos and let you find. It gives you a reason to care about the characters, and lets you join the ride.
It starts the heartstrings lyre, and lets you join in.



Now I want to learn the Lyre so I can turn hearstrings lyre into a thing...























.........
I am a terrible Brony. It is only just now, after writing this entire essay, that I recall there is a background pony named Lyra Heartstrings

Herp derp.

Pokémon X -A Fan's Review

     I have been a Pokémon fan for well over a decade. I have played the original blue version, and yellow. I have owned Gold. I have Sapphire and Emerald, and I classify the Hoenn Region as my favorite of all the regions (despite the massive amount of water, tentacool, and Wingulls...). Of the games, generation four, Diamond and Platinum are my least favorite; they're not bad, I just don't enjoy them very much. Heartgold was good, but seemed to pale in comparison to it's elder version, despite the awesome addition of having your lead Pokémon following you around. Generation 5 had the best story out of all of them, and having only new Pokémon in the region was a very good idea, though it overstayed its welcome with it's sequels Black 2 and White 2.
     Generation 6's Pokémon X and Pokémon Y blow all of them out of the water.

There are so many good things to come with Pokémon X and Y... let's start with the quality of life changes.

1. Exp Share
     The Exp Share used to be a held item, where the pokémon holding it would receive 50% of the battle's experience points. Now, it is a key items that gives every pokémon in your party 50% of the experience, while the one sent out receives 100%. This has made leveling SO much easier, to the point where you will usually over-level without doing anything special (and go way over by doing some special things.)
     The over-leveling is a bit of a tuning problem, but the quality of life adjustment it brings helps a lot. I suspect the function will remain the same in future games, but may come a bit later into the game, to keep people from blowing through it so easily.
     There is another downside to the Exp Share going to everyone in the party, and it is a slightly hidden function. It has to do with EVs, or Effort Values. EVs are points you earn for defeating a pokémon and earning experience from it. they go into the various stats, and help to scale those up faster. By giving everyone experience, they all also get EVs, which may not be beneficial for some pokémon (For example, attack is a useless stat for an Alakazam). But, that is fixed with another quality of life change...

2. Super Training
     Super training is a mini-game where you can level-up a pokemon's EVs. A pain in theory, really quick and easy in practice. It took me an hour to get my Gardevoir's EVs to be max Special attack and Defense, and that's with using a reset bag before doing so.
     That's another thing. Have a pokemon that has terrible EVs? Stay on the Super Training screen for a while, and you'll eventually receive various training bags, including one that with set all your pokémon's EVs to zero, allowing you to start over and get them perfect.
    The bags and events even come with set, even numerical values, allowing you precisely measure where you place them (Provided you keep track. there are some graphs measuring progress, but no numbers after the addition is done).
    The mini-game itself is okay. It is basically a 3D soccer game (and by 3D I mean it in both ways, in that there are goals placed on an XYZ plane) where you have to dodge your enemy's soccer balls, while trying to score in your enemy's goal. Simple, but requires some skill... and in the case of the speed challenges, luck.
     If you really, REALLY care about the EVs, you can do them as soon as you get your first pokémon. If you have all the challenges unlocked, it doesn't take that long.

3. Pokémon Amie
     Super training is for EVs, and Pokemon Amie is for friendship. And Friendship is Critical hits and dodging. Pokémon Amie is basically nintendogs with your favorite pokémon. It is both more awesome, and more adorable.
     There are three minigames in this mini-game: a berry matching game, a tempo-based yarn juggling game, and a puzzle... ...game.  Completing them and earning more than three starts unlocks the next rank, from easy to hard and unlimited, and gives you poképuffs, food items to give your pokémon to increase its friendship, and fullness.
     Unlike past games, a pokémon that is completely friendly with you has other gameplay effects than just the attack "Return." Now, being best friends with your pokémon adds some flavour text to battles, and has effects like landing critical hits and dodging. There are supposedly other effects associated with fullness and enjoyment, but they are unknown at this time.

4. Trainer Customization
     We have been waiting for this for YEARS. Finally we can make our characters unique, and dress them in more interesting clothes. This better be a feature in all future games, with more expansion upon it.

5. Mega Evolution
     Number one: awesome beyond belief. Number 2: adds more complex strategy in times of held items, rather than it being dominated by a handful of items like the leftovers. Number three: Mega. Gardevoir. I am completely sold.

6. More battle variations
    Included in the game are two new battle types: horde, and Sky Battles. Hordes consist of 5 pokémon, all attacking one of yours. They can be quite deadly, unless you have a move that affects a larger area...
     Sky battles are what it says on the tin; battles only flying type pokemon, and those with levitate, can participate in. They're optional, but fun. And also a likely way to lose money, since you are likely to only be carrying one flying type at a time, and when they go down, you lose.


There are several other quality of life improvements, but I am not fully equipped to talk about them, since I have not fully explored them.

Now, lets move on to other new features, like new pokemon and the evil team...

     One can tell a lot of time went into making all the gameplay improvements, because X and Y have probably the weakest story out of all the games. It's the same deal as the other games; you have a rival (that you don't get to name), there is an evil team blocking paths, and a bunch of gym badges to collect. If it ain't broke, don't fix it I guess. But, it is not the standards that make it weak, it is how they are played. Team Flare (the bad guys) are rarely seen. You tend to forget they are even around most of the time... They only become interesting when their plans come to fruition, then they become the most insane team in all of the games.
     Your rival and circle of friends are a bit dull... They're nice enough, but they are like cardboard when it comes to their personalities. Considering there are 4 of them, it would've been better to have cut that number in half; basically making the group the same size as Generation 5. Would've helped with their personalities...
     The new pokémon are sort of "meh" too. There aren't a lot of them; the majority of the pokédex is pokémon from previous generations, with maybe 50-66 new pokémon. The new ones are okay; nothing particularly interesting... They fit within the world and theme, so they're okay, just nothing about them says "THAT IS GOING ON MY LIST OF MY FAVORITE POKÉMON."
      That is, except for the Mega Evolutions. Those are AMAZING. They are only on older pokémon which tend to be fan favorites, like Blaziken, Lucario, and Mewtwo, which completely justifies the large amount of older generation pokémon. And Mega Gardevoir, I am happy just with that. (In case you haven't guessed, Gardevoir is my favorite pokémon.)


     If you are a fan of the Pokémon series, definitely pick this game up. If you don't have a 3DS, the 2DS is cheaper and can still play the game, just minus the 3D.
Gameplay score: 9/10. Some tuning on the leveling would've helped the pacing.
Story score: 6/10. The story is fine, but with no surprises.
Mega Gardevoir Score: 11/10.

Final Verdict: 8/10. All the gameplay elements make this probably the best Pokemon game in along time, but the story is too stale for me to be shouting praises of it form the roof tops.
Except for Mega Gardevoir.

MEGA GARDEVOIR!!!!!

That is all.

Disney Infinity

A game being rated E (equivalent to G in film) does not automatically make a game "bad," or a "kiddie game"... By the same token, being rated mature does not make a good or actually "mature" game. A "kids game" can actually be a lot more mature than most gamers give them credit for...

... But that's a topic for another day, because today we're talking about Disney Infinity, where anything resembling maturity is thrown out in favor of extreme nostalgia and fun.

     This game is best described as "Skylanders meets Disney"... Whether or not that is an accurate assessment, I will get into later. First I have to actually explain what that means for those not video game savvy.

     Skylanders is a reboot of the popular videogame series Spyro, which was a 3D action-platformer (think Mario in 3D, and you got the genre. Add the ability to fly, breathe out fire, and other dragonny things, and you get Spyro). Spyro The Dragon's series of games is very much beloved by fans; Skylanders not so much... Don't get me wrong, I am not saying Skylanders is bad (I haven't played it) but it did come as a bit of a slap to the face of a lot of fans.
It is best exemplified with an image:

Forgive the bias of the caption.

     The original Spyro is fun and mischievous, while also being clever, and that is reflected in his sleek design. The Spyro from Skylanders however, looks like a stereotypical dragon, with nothing special about him. He doesn't have a personality to speak of (not helped by the fact none of the "main" characters speak in cutscenes... I'll get into why in a minute), and is actually relegated to the background... Want to know why?

They are why.

      Can you see Spyro in there? He's at the top left; among 31 other characters... In the first game alone.

      This is the gimmick of Skylanders: Multiple interchangeable characters. They all have their own unique fighting styles and abilities... And you can level them up individually. And buy them individually. For 15 dollars each. I am dead serious.

     Given this, can you see why fans of Spyro do not like this game series? Spyro is just a legacy character slapped on to give it the illusion of history, with a massive cash grab attached to squeeze as much money as possible out of the parents of young children... And it works.

     The Skylanders series is massively profitable. the combined cost for owning the entire first game's collection is 312 dollars (currently) (assuming you buy the combo packs for characters... I don't even know if you can get them all that way; I know at least two you need to buy individually. It's $480 if you buy them individually).

     Now, I am a Bionicle fan... I sunk a lot of money into it, and my parents did for me as well... I know I rather easily breached 500 dollars in them... But here's the thing: ALL OF THE SKYLANDERS CHARACTERS ARE STATUETTES. You can look at them, maybe pet them a little, but outside the game they are useless. And the majority of them are kinda ugly (it's meant to appeal to young boys, if you catch my drift). Bionicle (and other lego products) are better to sink money into, because you can make MORE things with them if you so desire. Skylanders? They'll just sit there, gathering dust...

... Throw all that information out with Disney Infinity. For three reasons: nostalgia, recognizibility, and awesomeness.

     Disney Infinity saw what Skylanders did and said "We can be just as profitable, more fun, and worth more."

     Disney Infinity follows Skylander's model with the statuettes using them to unlock characters within the game. Difference is, rather than some no-name monster, it is one of your favorite Disney characters. They are actually something you'd want to display when not in use. And the fun of the game is increased by quite a bit when one is playing as their favorite pirate Captain Jack Sparrow, or Mr. Incredible, or Buzz Lightyear, or Jack FREAKIN' Skellington! (Not to mention the statuettes cost about 3 bucks less. Get them at Toys R Us or anywhere that's having a sale and you can get a lot more for less. Not that Skylanders didn't have sales too, but Disney Infinity has sales going on right now. It took Skylanders a while to allow sales.)

    In the starter pack, you get Mr. Incredible, Jack Sparrow, and Sully from Monster's Inc. You also get 3 campaigns to match each one, and a random hexagonal token that has different effects. But the campaigns are not the meat of the game... No, they are merely a series of fun quests and worlds to explore, to unlock items... To create your own world.

The actual meat of the game lies in its sandbox mode, called the "Toy Box." Basically, you take items and "Toys" and place them in a world of your design. It's a bit like Simcity but more creative and with less micromanagement.
You can make races, obstacle courses, gladiatorial arenas... Just about any level you can imagine, you can do. Want to make a sewer level where you have to fight weasels and rescue mutated citizens? You can do just that. Want to make your own city? You can do that too. Want to remake the flying city Columbia from Bioshock: Infinite? Disney's been there, done that.
Skylanders has nothing like this. But then again, this idea did not originate from another company... The toybox actually appeared in another Disney game: Toy Story 3.
Yes, a movie video game that didn't suck; it's a once in a life-chance miracle! The Toybox is actually the reason Toy Story 3 the game did not stink, so Disney figured "Why not reuse this concept... and apply it to ALL of our properties? We can even use it as promotional material for our upcoming movies, so we don't have to create games for them!"

That actually kind of brings me to the downside of the game... It is almost all Disney movies from the last 10 years. Jack Skellington is the exception to this, but this is because this is his 20th anniversary. Don't get me wrong, I love a lot of the characters; Wreck-It Ralph and Venelope Von Shweets I plan on getting the day they come out, same with Rapunzel, and likely the Frozen Characters... But that's really it. The rest are characters I don't really care about... Cars, Monsters University, Pirates of the Caribbean (other than jack Sparrow who comes with the base game), Phineas and Ferb, Lone Ranger, and Toy Story (nothing wrong with this one, just no interest)...
There are no characters from the 2D era of Disney. There are villains from the era, but no playable characters. I'd love to play as Wart from Sword in the Stone, Or Quasimodo, or Hercules... I would pay through the nose for a Hercules figure, the same for the "crystal" version of it. Then again I'd also pay through the nose for a hexagonal piece that allows me to ride the Hydra, so you can just write me off as a massive Disney's Hercules fanboy. 

But anyway... It's a small problem, easily fixed by sequels. (Skylanders added 16 new characters to its roster in its first sequel. If Disney did the same, there is hope to see old characters like Aladdin, Mulan, et cetera.)

I'd say Disney Infinity is a very solid game, with a pretty good shelf life, and high profitability for Disney, likely leading to more sequels.
Though, one request of Disney regarding sequels: Please, unless the pad changes drastically, sell the game separate from the characters and base. 75 dollars per game is a bit too much; it's better to think of the added 35 dollars (3 figures about 25, pad about 10) as an investment into the series, and future installments won't cost those who played the first as much. It may end up slightly confusing for people just picking up the game for the first time, but it's better than losing a ton of customers because they don't want to pay 75 dollars for each installment.
If you have to sell it with a new pad... Add some more stuff to it. Add mini square disks that give you companions like Stitch, or Tinker Bell. Really give us a reason to pay extra.

This has been Fixer Sue; forgetting about promises on this blog yet again!

Stranger than Fan Fiction- History

     Fan fiction is widely derided on the internet; many consider it to just be women pairing off their favorite characters with very little editing and spell checking. In many cases, this assumption is correct. A prime example of this is "My Immortal," a self-insert Harry Potter fanfic that is the both the most well known fan fiction, and is also one of the most widely hated. But that is just the mere surface of this internet phenomenon. There is so much more to see.

     First, a brief history: Fan fiction is as old as stories. No, seriously. Though Fan Fiction is a new term, it has been around significantly longer. What do I mean? Well... There is a chains of books, written by different authors, that are all written as fan works of another.
     The chain begins with Homer's The Iliad (adapted into the movie Troy, for those ignorant of the book). It tells us about the war between Greece and Troy, the politics involved in it (both on earth and on Olympus), and the people involved in the war. It is the source of tropes like "Achilleus in his tent" (The spelling of Achilleus is varied. Some use a K, some don't... I use the version found in my copy of the book), and is one of the great epic poems of the past.
      Which is probably why Rome wanted a story about how they descended from Troy as propaganda. They commissioned Virgil to write The Aeneid, the story of Aeneas, one of the few survivors of the Trojan Horse attack, who would later found Rome. The Aeneid is written in much of the same style as the Iliad and Homer's other works, which makes sense since they wanted it to be like an extension on them. There is one notable detour in Aeneas's quest: he journeys through the underworld. There is quite a bit of explanation on the innerworkings of the underworld; such as the Elysium Fields (not the movie), the pit of Tartarus, and the river Styx. Though the Aeneid pretty much forgets the whole thing occurred, it is important for the next book in the line...
     Dante's Inferno is probably much more widely known than the other two, and it is the third piece of this chain. You see, Dante was a fan of Virgil's the Aeneid; so much in fact, that Dante made Virgil his guide through Hell. Why? Because Dante's Inferno is a self-insert fanfic, where he gets to meet his idol, along with philosophers like Socrates and Plato, and punishes people he doesn't like, like the pope. With that, there is also a whole lot of Continuity porn, such as Hektor being higher up in Hell than Achilleus, Dido being in Hell for lusting for Aeneas, Charon being the ferryman for souls (and even mentioning the other people who've crossed into the underworld and caused trouble), and Limbo being a word for word equal to the Elysium Fields. Dante's Inferno is true blue Fan Fiction. Different perspective on the whole thing now eh?

     Fan Fiction as a term mostly came about because of movies and other big productions, along with copyrights. Before copyrights, anyone could simply write a sequel to someone else's work, and it'd just be called a story. After copyrights put the kibosh on that, there became a rift between the creators of a piece, and the consumers.  Consumers trying extend the story for others became illegal (along with just flat out stealing the book to make money, but we're not focusing on that), thus there was a problem: consumers had to accept what was given to them, with zero control over the outcome.

     ...Then came the fanzines. This was a new (legally unstable) method of outputting fan fiction to people. The fan fiction featured was much shorter; they tended to be short stories, unless a magazine was okay with printed them chapter by chapter. They were of decidedly lesser quality than previous ventures (then again, a lot of things pale in comparison to the Iliad), but still, they were generally good. However, they were prone to being taken down by companies for violating copyright, as is prone to happen when one profits off someone else's work.

     Fan fiction was in a rut, until the internet. With he internet, came a massive surge of Fan Fiction. In 1998, fanfiction.net went live, and 3 years later, it had 100,000 stories cataloged. The quality of each piece did not matter, because there were more available if you didn't like one! The best part of all, since it is free, it falls under fair use, making it safe from copyright infringement! (Unless some other circumstance occurs, but that's generally true.)

That brings us to the present... Fan Fiction is everywhere. It is nearly unavoidable. But, there is a lot going on with it... Return here tomorrow for the next installment of Stranger than Fan Fiction.

Turbo

     This was a difficult review to start... Not because I don't know what to say, because I know exactly what I want to say. The problem is, the words are so damn annoying... So, I will be loquacious about it.

"Do not presume to know the contents of a lexicon simply by the luster of its bindings."

In more simple terms, "Don't judge a book by its cover"

Bleh, I hate that cliché... But it is true here.

Turbo is a good movie. Is it a very original movie? No, but then again, only watching paint dry is original now. Does it have flaws? Sure, I can point out a couple, but they don't really hurt it at all.

Could it have been better? Not really... Even if the flaws in the movie were fixed, it would still be about the same. It's basically the same thing as Disney's Tarzan; it's a good movie, and they did all they had to with it, and about all they could do. If they had tried to do more, I feel they would've over done it, and made the movie try to present itself as more grandiose than it actually was.
It's a pretty small scale story (no pun intended), of a snail who wants to be fast (mostly because his life is so boring and monotonous), and races in the Indianapolis 500. (By the way, I am not a racing fan, so my mind kept saying Daytona 500, rather than Indie, because Daytona sounds cooler.)

However, I feel that Turbo was more just a filler movie for Dreamworks. It'll make some money, which can be put towards other projects, like Kung Fu Panda 3, and How to Train Your Dragon 3 (If you're wondering about 2, it is coming in June next year. I was at first negative about it, afraid Dreamworks would screw up my favorite animated movie, but now when I see the new teaser for it on the big screen... My shyness and acknowledgement of others is the only thing keeping me from shouting "WOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOO!"). Being filler doesn't make it bad, it just makes it unlikely to be someone's favorite movie, and more likely to be something you put in the DVD player to keep the kids quiet for an hour or so, and don't have to feel guilty about because they aren't watching crap.

Turbo is funny, enjoyable, and just generally fun and happy. Animation fans will certainly enjoy it, kids as well; and generally anyone going into the movie just to have a good time. Just don't expect it to be groundbreaking; it's a snail in a race, the ground is fairly resistant to snails breaking it.


Though there is one thing I want to note... Every racing film has a villain, it is always the super pretentious 3-5 time champ, or just some random guy who is the favorite to win. For 3/4ths of the movie, this film appeared to lack that. The person who was the winner in previous years was a good guy, and the main character's idol; he was also the one to convince the people running the indie 500 to let Turbo race, and was also friendly with Turbo later in his shop... But then he becomes the pretentious villain, willing to even kill Turbo to win. In a way, I found that a step backwards. The film didn't need a villain; it would've been better if Turbo was welcomed as friendly competition, and if, when he lost, he simply congratulated Turbo. That would be original, and probably would've boosted this movie up a bit.
But, like I said before, it's somewhat of a minor problem, and wouldn't actually affect the movie that much. Still, if turbo somehow gets a sequel, don't have a villain.


This has been Fixer Sue.

Pacific Rim

There is a quote about this movie, which I wish to borrow from a review series called "The Isle of Rangoon"...

"This movie is the voice of a generation; of 5 year olds hopped up on coco-puffs. And it is awesome."

Pacific Rim is very awesome. It is a lot of fun, with cool designs, visuals, and amazing action.
I can fully recommend sci-fi fans to go see this movie, as well as fans of action movies. It isn't perfect (almost nothing is) but it is very enjoyable and satisfying.

As a side note, the characters are quite amazing as well. It isn't that they have extreme depth, but it is more amazing that they more have a list of bullet points to define them.
Now, I don't mean that in a negative way. What I mean is, certain descriptors, such as race, nationality, and gender, do not affect the actual personality of the character. The female love interest is written no differently from the rest of the characters, and barely any mention is made of nationality beyond one or two throw-away lines. The reason why I call these traits bullet points, is because you can add or change them, and it won't affect the character. They are not defined by one trait, regardless of what that trait is.


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Beyond this point are my musings on their universe. Nothing beyond this point is review. My opinion of the movie is that it is good and a lot of fun. Beyond here are minor nitpicks and questions. The actual "fixing" of the movie is also beyond this point, but I will put it simply: the movie has some flaws, but it does what it set out to do and succeeded. Perfection in this case would require it to be a massive video game franchise that delves deeper into the world... The movie is good as is, no repairs required. But, if you want to hear my further thoughts, read on.


_________________________________________________________________________________


Why were giant Robots their first idea? Why not bombs? They say they tried bombing the breach and were unsuccessful, but what about bombing the kaiju (the monsters)? sure it'd later stop working (they evolve) but why were massive, expensive, difficult to use, giant robots, the first idea?
They said they were able to bring one down (I assume it is of the lowest level) with fighter jets and tanks. Why weren't they around to help? Or, why did they not focus on improving them first?
Take one of the jaegers (giant robots) out of commission, and humanity is screwed. Take one jet out, and there are still a dozen or so flying around. Not only that, but the jaegers fight the kaiju head on, in hand to hand combat... Jets fight from a distance.
But, I suppose a jet can't really house a nuclear reactor onboard... but how about an aircraft carrier?
Point blank, we have a lot of technology we can advance further, faster, than giant robots that fight the monsters man to man. That seems like... number ten on the list. something that one country works on, while the rest work on the current technology.

But, lets assume that the giant robots were the correct solution, and they saved time by going to them first... They were still very ineffective for one reason: blunt attacks don't really work on something that does not go squish.
Maces work on humans and most animals because we are spongy, and our bones can break easily. The Kaiju are much tougher than that. They have a hardened carapace, and very tough skin... If you are going to fight hand to hand, there is a much better way to do that... Swords, and axes. Piercing, and slicing.
The Jaegers actually do have swords, and they are immensely more effective than the punching, yet only start to pop up half-way through. A quick cut, and the kaiju are no more. The punching is cool, but ineffectual.

Finally, there is the aftermath to consider... The jaegers would change war as we know it. There is no way to fight them without another jaeger. Any country that cannot afford to make one (or a dozen) is screwed, and if another jaeger is better, they are still screwed. Jaegers would become the same as nuclear warheads, except reusable. Countries would be conquered in a matter of hours, quickly consolidating the world into a handful of countries engaged in a massive and very expensive game of Risk. The loss of human life would either be innumerable, or the smallest ever, depending on how the conquering goes. In the end, the world will be united as one massive country (my bet's on Canada), and we'll begin work in getting out into space with our jaegers.
Okay that actually sounds like an awesome sequel. The name can even be kept as Pacific Rim, since the countries that would more likely be able to fight all reside on the pacific rim (USA, Russia, China, et cetera). Giant robot versus giant robot, in a war to take over the world... You may take that idea film makers! Run with it! You've got a possible franchise!



This has been Fixer Sue.


Oh, by the way... listen for the female robotic announcer in the movie. She's being played by a certain testing obsessed AI that gamers all know and love...

Despicable Me 2

I was fully expecting this movie to go poorly. Not in terms of money, it obviously would make a lot of that, but in terms of reviews, plotlines, and actual quality. I felt the story did not need a sequel, as there was very little they could do to advance it. I also knew that the company would go HARD on the childish humor with the minions, and push out everything that was good in the first movie. I was right and wrong in certain aspects.

Despicable Me 2 is a good movie; and a very good movie if you like the minions. It is just missing a bit of the heart in the first one, along with some of the cooler aspects.

The story this time is about Gru being recruited by the Anti Villain League (not to be confused with the Anti-Villain League, which is a league of villains who are not all that villainous), and falling in love with his female partner Lucy Wilde (played by Kristen Wiig). The girls are still in it, but they play a very minor role… They actually get less screen-time than the minions, to the point where they have to be shoehorned into the climax so that we don’t forget they’re there! Margo has a brief love subplot, but it goes nowhere… Which is a point to bring up later…

The AVL hires Gru to track down a villain who stole a secret formula that turns things into the rabbit from Monty Python’s The Holy Grail. But, this is mostly just setup for Gru and Lucy’s love story. Which I have no qualms with, animated movies need to explore other avenues like love stories, it’s just that the love story here doesn't get enough screen time. Gru and Lucy have one or two scenes with good chemistry, but that’s pretty much it. Their love story doesn't get enough screen-time to develop, and feels somewhat rushed near the end. If they cut out the minion scenes (or at least half of them) and devoted it to their development, the progression would've been much more natural and believable. There could've actually been more scenes with the girls as well, showing them interacting with Lucy, growing an attachment to her as well, rather than simply share one scene with her, and immediately love her once she is their mother.

Returning to Margo’s mini-love arc, Margo actually falls in love (or at least has a crush on) the child of the main villain. However, that distinction is superfluous, as nothing comes of it. The Boy dumps Margo at a party, Gru freezes him, and the fact he’s the villain’s son is never brought up again. I expected the boy to actually be the mastermind. You see, his father had actually faked his death years before, which would imply he wanted to leave the business. The son could've convinced him to get back into it, come up with the plan... Hell, Gru even foreshadows it when claiming he is probably the mastermind (he was more trying to keep him away from Margo, but it still would've been more interesting).

There are just a lot of things that if the creators gave it more thought they could've fixed.

But, all this plot is actually more of a sideshow to the antics of the minions... I have voiced my distaste with them before, viewing them as essentially plot cul-de-sacs, full of gags that while funny can become grating. But, others seem to really, really love them... But, even those who like them, can admit they spent too much time on them this time. However, what makes this really bad, is the fact that three minion gag scenes were shown in previews and commercials, pretty much ruining them in the movie itself. Being spoiled to these scenes made them seem even longer, and feel like they took up more of the movie. There are only a handful of scenes with the minions that were not spoiled... Overtly.

The best minion scene (in my opinion) was a scene where they are in a bar, singing and being boistrous. Obviously we can't understand them, but the song rang a bell, though I did not recognize it at the time.

Take a listen:

They are singing an actual song, called "Another Irish Drinking Song" by Da Vinci's Notebook.

Here are the lyrics:

Now everybody's died, so until our tears are dried,

we'll drink and drink and drink and drink and then we'll drink some more.

We'll dance and fight and sing until the early morning light

then we'll throw up, pass out, wake up and then go drinking once again

I respect a piece of media that manages to get past the radar that well (and uses a song I actually recognize while being a bit more subtle about it). Doesn't make the minions any better in my eyes, but  it's at least a gag I can get behind.

Again, the movie was good and enjoyable, but not as good as the first movie. The heavier focus on the minions sapped time away from the actual story, and made it thinner than it needed to be. There are other plot elements that weren't thought through very well and could use a polish. But, kids will enjoy it regardless.

I do hope that we get a true animated love story some day... Not just a subplot like in Ratatouille, or just setup like in UP... I mean an actual Romance in animation, where the plot isn't saving the world or anything, it is simply a guy meets a girl and falls in love. Or the other way around, or double-up on one gender, whatever floats the boats. Just, something so that animation is not just the children's comedy medium... I don't even like love stories, so let that tell you how strange it is that I want to see one in that vein done well.

And please... Whatever production company is making Free Birds, jump into different genres IMMEDIATELY. There is an overabundance of comedy and you're aiming extremely low for your first go. Aim for something higher, like an animated action movie... Hell, you could make Flash Gordon, or something along those lines! You just don't want to follow the footsteps of Sony Picture Animation, the makers of Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs, Open Season, and the Smurfs... It's a hard road, laden with negative reviews and almost no recognition. While you still have a chance, diverge from the path, and make a name for yourself. You don't want a movie about time traveling turkeys to be your last animated movie.

That's all for now, this has been Fixer Sue.

Epic

Damn it Pixar, every time I go to the movies, you lessen your image more and more. Before seeing Epic at AMC, we were treated to the characters of Monster University shilling Swiffer, and Lowes. Just what children want, right?! Oy... You're starting to look like the Lorax here, especially considering you've given up all your jokes in the commercials, to the point where, regardless of if they are funny or not, no one will laugh, BECAUSE WE'VE SEEN IT A DOZEN TIMES.

Okay, triad against Pixar's poor decision-making over... Onto Epic.


It's about a 6.5/10. It's not bad, just not really good. It's fun in parts, but also rather stupid in others...

     Some may recall my love of Rio, which had a surprisingly good love story, and characters that had good qualities while still being comedic.
     This does not really apply here...
     Epic's characters are all bland. We got a bumbling professor, a down-to-earth teenage girl, a reckless speedster, a serious general, a loving queen, dumb comedy relief, one-note villain... The characters aren't interesting...
      The story is pretty standard as well; basic chase after a MacGuffin (trope name for a plot relevant noun), fight the bad guy, bad guy gets swallowed by a tree. (No, seriously. He dies by tree growth. This is a CG movie and, amazingly enough, that looked really weird and fake. Wrap your head around that...)
      And the voice acting... Why were big-name actors hired to do the voices? Why did the queen (by the way, love the fact it was a queen instead of a princess) have to be Beyonce, and why did a bit-part mafia toad have to be played by Pitbull? Colin Firth was okay as Rhonin, but it was somehwat standard acting, nothing really to write home about... You know something is wrong when I mention the actors; I never care about the actors!

     If you have children in need of entertainment, it is a good enough movie. If you're an animation fan, go see it in 3D, I hear the imagery is at least good; maybe get the movie's soundtrack and listen to that while the movie is playing and ignore the story altogether.


     As for how I would improve the story... One idea is to make the main human girl be the one who is interested in the tiny forest people, cut out the father and family story altogether. Then while small she could be gushing about how amazing it all is, basically fangirling it up. But, while she's doing that, make her Awesome By Analysis. She can be silly and a little goofy, but she should be able to fight the bad guys and learn the mechanics of their world fairly quickly; IE, she should be able to learn to fly a hummingbird and jump insanely high fairly quickly, and be effective in fighting. Basically think if Jar Jar Binks lost his clumsiness and became a Jedi.

You know The Phantom Menace would be the number one Star Wars film if Jar Jar was awesome.

     Also, remove all other comedy relief characters. The main character girl will more than make up for the loss of the slugs, and then some. (By the way BlueSky, the comedy relief characters sort of worked in Rio, but that's because more emphasis was put on the main characters; don't overdo the comedy relief, otherwise you are relieving us from comedy with comedy.)

     Finally, make the villain represent something different. In the movie, he represents rot and decay... which are a part of life, and feed regrowth. He should be more of an ally then an enemy, removing dead things to make room for newer things... like a garbage man.  One could instead make him a rival kingdom of the forest, vying for control. It could be that he wishes to remove the beauty of the forest and make it harsh and cold so that it may survive better, while the heroes want to it have beauty and freedom, at the risk of destruction. That is a philosophical disagreement there worth fighting over (wars have been fought for less).

     Other than that, stop hiring celebrity voice actors. get actual actors to do the voices, or, even better, get Voice actors and actresses to do it. (Cree Summer, who has done work in voice acting for over 200 titles, including TV, Movies, and video games, doing the voice work for Susie of the Rugrats and Foxxy Love of Drawn Together,  would've done a significantly better job at voicing the queen, than Beyonce.)

This has been Fixer Sue.

Oh, one more thing...

Imagine him as Anakin Skywalker.

...You really want a remake of the Phantom Menace now, don't you?

Star Wars: The Old Republic

     Recently, I have been getting into a game called "Star Wars: The Old Republic".
     Released in December of 2011, SWTOR (as it is known) was touted as being a "WoW Killer", and that it was going to change the landscape of MMOs as we know it... It turned out that it was as deadly a killer as a shrunken cotton ball. Yes, World of Warcraft was not killed by this game... Helped by the fact The Old Republic copied A LOT from World of Warcraft; from ability resources and stats to even the color of Player Nameplates when they are in PVP mode. It also completely copied WoW's old talent system (with some very minor adjustments).
      Looking at this game, whose development has been incredibly slow, and comparing it to World of Warcraft, which has gotten better over time, reveals some interesting facts about game mechanics that can make or break a game.


     First off, I want to be clear: I am not a big Star Wars fan. I have seen all the prequels, but not the original trilogy. Believe it or not, I was actually once a part of the demographic that liked Jar Jar (yes, the annoying Jar Jar was liked. George Lucas wasn't wise, but he wasn't a total moron in that respect). I am not the guy to go to for information on Star Wars. Or Star Trek. Everything I know about them is mostly through pop-culture osmosis.
     Secondly, I would also like to note that I do like this game... To an extent. I like the story, especially the Republic Trooper one, but a lot of other things annoy me. Some are exclusive to this game, some are a part of MMOs in general. Either way, remember, my name is Fixer Sue if you disagree with my opinions, you have my name as justification. I will refrain from simply saying something is bad, and will give facts to back it up, so I ask that you at least give these thoughts the time of day.
     Thirdly, this is going to be pretty heavily focused on gaming, specifically on MMOs, and might go on for a while. If you have no interest in the genre, I suggest clicking away to another cat video... In the meantime however, let us consider the flaws in a previous WoW Killer...


     I suppose I should start with the good points.
     The game was developed by Bioware, the same company that made the Mass Effect and Dragons Age games; and it definitely shows in the story department. The story mainly takes place in interactive (and fully voiced) cutscenes, where the player has two-three options for what they want to say in response to the NPCs. This part of the game is a lot of fun. especially when one is playing a certain type of character (serious light-sided trooper, snarky dark-sided jedi... anything is plausible). And one gets opportunities for these in every quest, whether it be a main quest, or a side quest.
     However, I should note some things about this that are bothersome... First of all, the characters are always static, barely moving during the scenes... Anything tense about the scene is immediately lost when the enemy who is saying that they are about to attack, has sheathed their weapon and is standing rather calmly. Unless a scene is taking place in a rather calm area, this seems very out of place and rather silly. Not to mention their movements become repetitive. Adding some idle animations for the characters being ready to attack would've helped alleviate this; and they already exist! Just use the same idle attack animations as the player characters! Also, be more dynamic with the camera when they are speaking, cut to their eyes sometimes or to a far off shot of the scene, with the player character and the enemy ready to fight... These scenes are supposed to be cinematic, but feel very game-y and weird.
     Secondly, there is a problem with the dialog choices themselves... It can be very hard to tell what an option means at times. For instance, you might read an option as being a little snarky, but when chosen, you end up looking like a kiss-ass. This is because each option is a short phrase, supposedly resembling the full response... except that the intent of the response would be much more useful. Labeling a response as "Serious", "Snarky", "disrespectful", and so on, would pretty much eliminate this problem. It'd also reduce the amount of times a player accidentally asks "what's a paladin?" after spending 20 hours with a paladin. (Not an example within the game, the real equivalent would be rakghoul, but paladin is better known in pop-culture than some random 90's alien name.)


     Away from the story an into Game Mechanics, I also liked the space ship battles one could partake in. They are basically like the game Starfox, but with better graphics, and slightly less clunky movement than an old SNES game. It is a fun change of pace from the actual game itself, and it only lasts a few minutes, so it doesn't overstay its welcome.
     I would seriously pay for a class that does only spaceship quests, and basically play like the Enterprise.
Unfortunately, one has to pay to play much of the space battles at all... more on the business practices later...


     Now the actual meat of the game, the combat...
... It is long, dull, and repetitive. What you basically do is hit certain buttons in a sequence for optimal damage/healing/threat. Now, this is exactly the same as World of Warcraft... Except not. In World of Warcraft, not using the optimal rotation is still okay, as you still can do enough damage to survive without issue. In SWTOR however, the difference between not using the optimal build, and using it, is not only immense, it is game changing.
    I was dying quite a lot as my trooper. The enemies just would not die fast enough, and I was constantly confused about what attacks I should be using. So, I looked up the optimal build on the internet... and suddenly I am dying a lot less, and having an easier time with enemies. That is pretty significant.
     However, this difference isn't one of skill; my ability to press buttons has not changed with the rotation. What changed was knowledge... Specifically, the knowledge of what was actually worth using. Before looking it up, I was using attacks that were far outside the recommended rotation for my spec... but I was using them because they were the abilities I had since I started playing that character. This is not intuitive at all...
     Compare this to World of Warcraft... It has a lot of attacks that one can use, and they fill up a lot of action bars. However, the rotation is rather easy to figure out for each spec, helped by the fact that attacks you earn in the beginning are still used as a part of your primary rotation. The only possible confusion occurs when a new attack is more powerful than another, and should replace an earlier one. However, the game also has as a part of the talent specialization system, an info blurb about which abilities are important to one's attack rotation. This isn't making the game easier, this is giving assistance and explanation to those who need it.

    Speaking of talents, we should look over SWTOR's talent trees...

Oops, sorry, that is a World of Warcraft talent tree from Wrath of the Lich King, here is a SWTOR talent tree:

The difference is that one runs downward, while the other one goes up!

For reference, here's a talent tree in WoW right now:

     Yeah, one thing people complain about WoW lately is that the talent trees are too small, and that there is barely any difference between player characters. Except SWTOR demonstrates why Blizzard was right to change the talent tree system.

     SWTOR's talent tree has the same problem as WoW's old system: there is one optimal build for each spec, and deviating from it means you will suck. It takes a very long time to climb the tree, and you barely see any results from it. Meanwhile, under WoW's new system, while you only get a new talent every 15 levels, you get something interesting for it, usually in the form of a new ability. The reason this works so much better, is because these abilities are tangible; they affect the gameplay in a big way. SWTOR's trees are made up of empty percentages that increase damage... whoopie. I prefer the option to choose something cool to play with every 15 levels, rather than plugging in points in a chart so that I can deal optimal damage, and hopefully beat the enemies without dying. I may still die with the cool ability, but at least it does something tangible.

    Speaking of tangibility... What do you imagine when you think of  a light saber fight? probably someone getting their limb chopped off right? Not only does that not happen in the game, light sabers feel more like glowy bats than swords. They deal damage, but apparently some random thugs on the street have torsos that are immune to being cutoff. What I'm getting at is, is that the attacks have no impact or weight behind them. Guns shoot BB pellets, light sabers smash instead of cut, and lightning is just glowy. They all deal damage, but they feel weak. This is, of course, gameplay and story segregation... But it just seems absolutely ridiculous to shoot a guy with over 4 dozen plasma rounds to the face, and have him still able to calmly stand there and shoot you. Now, this is also true in WoW, where one can throw balls of fire that act more like one is throwing a rock at them, but there is still impact behind it.


I suppose SWTOR is a WoW Killer in some respect... in that I stopped playing MMOs for a while after I realized they were all like this. Press buttons until the enemy is defeated, if you are using the optimal build it will go faster, and the attacks barely have weight behind them. I have only recently gotten back into the groove of MMOs, mostly through accepting that they will just be this way...

But, it doesn't have to be like this. There doesn't need to be any of this nonsense about rotations or talent specs... What I'm basically saying is, screw rotational abilities, just go the route of hack and slash. Make it a bit like Diablo; where you have some abilities for attack or defense, that you activate as you see fit. Except, put some real weight behind attacks; make successful light saber strikes actually kill, rather than simply damage the target. Same with the guns and force abilities; make them be powerful, because they are supposed to be powerful.
    The game sort of is designed like a hack and slash, considering there are densely packed groups of enemies that block your progress until you defeat them. If they were much easier to defeat, I'd have less problems with them. As it stands, every molehill is a mountain.

     Of course, there is a reason everything is so hard and takes so long... it's because of the dinosaur known as leveling. Leveling is basically a measure of progression, and a limiter, keeping one confined to certain areas. And it is an extreme pain that really needs to go away... Levels are one of the reasons we can't have one-hit kills in MMOs. It is honestly fake longevity at this point; story says I should be able to kill anyone because I have a plasma gun, but levels says I can't even hit a guy because he's 5 levels above me. I look forward to an MMO where there is no leveling, only playing in a massive world.

     But, no leveling won't ever happen... because the people who created the game want money. Fair enough, it costs money to create the game... Just as it is also fair that people don't necessarily want to pay to grind levels.
     SWTOR was originally a subscription-based game (like WoW). SWTOR recently went free-to-play, meaning that anyone can play it for free, all the way up to the level cap. Or, as far as you can take their restrictions... Usually, when a game has a free mode and a subscription mode, there are some restrictions on the free mode that are lifted from the subscription mode, along with some additional benefits added to the subscription mode. Most of the time however, the free mode does not dip below normal levels. You see, free players earn XP at a reduced rate... they are 75% of the normal exp rate. So, and already slow and grindy process is increased. whoopidy hopidy. But wait, there's more! Subscribers earn bonus exp! So, no one earns the regular amount of experience. Why would you reduce the amount of exp non-subscribers get? It doesn't make them want to subscribe, it makes them want to leave! Here is how it normally works: free-to-play is basically the normal game, subscription adds neat benefits, and unlocks some content. Restricting F2P content is not how you get people to subscribe.
     But, this is EA. If crushing a puppy could earn them a dollar, they'd buy a kennel.


Over-all, the reason why I have so many problems with this game, is because everything listed and discussed after the story content, gets in the way of the story. The Story is the best part, and the rest of this bogs it down. If I could ignore everything else, and just do the class quests, I would. But, since I have to level up, otherwise my weightless attacks will be useless, I have to do everything but the fun stuff, just to move forward. Yuck.

    SWTOR is no WoW Killer. It is a WoW clone, with genetic defects that make it feel worse, with a couple good points.



    WoW Killer is an old phrase now... It has been applied to almost every single new MMO to come out. Honestly, the only time I will be able to say that WoW is old and some new MMO is the future, is when they basically make a medieval/sci-fi life simulator, with no levels, and no health bars. Elder Scrolls Online comes close, but isn't exactly it... Read "Tom Clancy's Net Force: The Deadliest Game" to get my idea of what a WoW Killer would look like.


Back to SWTOR... I play it because I like the story and the characters. I tolerate the gameplay because of it.
Oh, I forgot to mention... I get consistent lag and connection timeouts. I know my internet is fine, and my graphics settings are quite low. Normally, I wouldn't care too much... except that this usually means that I can't move forward (imagine an invisible wall blocking your path, and you have to wait an indeterminate amount of time for it to disappear), and am likely to die. Not fun, especially when death is also a pain.

My personal rating for SWTOR: 6/10. Some good points, but it is mostly bogged down by bad design and mechanics choices. Had they made it less gamey, and more like the movies (IE, light saber no care about yo'r armor...), then it probably would've been a whole lot more fun. As it stands, I'm just likely to continue playing, just hoping that the game decides to allow me to have fun.

The Kite Runner

This review will be rather short... Recall that in my Halo: Legends review, as well as Treasure Planet's review, that I reserve my right as a consumer to stop watching a movie before its completion... This is another one of those times.
Mind you, I have to watch this film all the way through for my film class, but it reached a point where every time I think about continuing to watch it I think "I do not want to watch any more of this..."
Though I will be watching the entire film (as much as I REALLY do not want to...) I shall be reviewing it at this point because if I was not being forced to watch it, this is where I would have stopped.

The Kite Runner is set in Afghanistan, and follows Amir, a bit of a coward and pessimist, who only friend is Hassan, who is a servant of his father's. They go to the movies together, fly battle kites... and Hassan acts as a protector for Amir when some nazi-wannabes come and harass them (I'm serious about the dude being a nazi wannabe. This is set in 1960 by the way).
Amir's mother died giving birth to him, and he blames himself for it (He's worse than the Lannisters in this regard; at least Tyrion does wallow in self-pity all the time), and his father is one of those "well done son" guys, who only shows interest or care when they do something amazing. So winning the kite battle tournament is a big deal for Amir.

After Amir and Hassan win the tournament, Amir sends Hassan to retrieve the kite (there is an earlier scene where Hassan shows an almost psychic ability to know where the kite will come down, and he can collect it). And it is about this point that I do not wish to continue the movie.

Everything up to this point was fine; it had a couple good humorous moments, and some good drama...
But that disintegrates in the next scene.
Amir notices that Hassan has snot returned with the kite, and goes looking for him. He finds out the nazi-wannabes followed him, and cornered him in the alley...

Now, in any normal film or story, one would assume they were going to beat him up, "teach him a lesson," and leave him.
No. They do something much more heinous, stupid, and awful. And I don't mean the characters, I mean the writer.
The Nazi-wannabes gang rape Hassan.
...and Amir sees it happen, but does nothing out of fear. Thus the Nazi-wannabes get away with it...
And when Hassan comes out, Amir is waiting on steps outside the alleyway, and goes up to Hassan... Not even asking if he's okay, just pretending that he was looking for him... Meanwhile, blood is dripping from Hassan's pant legs into the snow.

..........
NO.
No, no no...
I don't care if this happens in real life, or has happened, you do not do this. There is a reason why the "infant immortality" trope exists; it's because these kinds of actions are intolerable. Beating up a child is already heinous, but at least it isn't RAPE.
And, you want to know what else? This is actually a problem on a different level, not just on a moral level.
Earlier in the movie, Amir explains one of his stories to Hassan, about a man whose tears turn into pearl when they fall into a goblet. In order to get more tears, he kills his wife. Hassan asks the legit question: "Why didn't he just cut an onion?"
The obvious answer to Hassan's question is dramatic convenience. Which is what the rape scene is for; rape is more dramatic than being beaten, just as murdering one's wife is more dramatic than cutting an onion. That is already a terrible idea, as it reduces rape to something that gives shock value, but it calls to mind a different idea: Why not use another method for the same effect? Why not have the wife of the man be killed by another, rather than killed by the man? Why not use another form of assault upon Hassan, rather than rape? Assaulting Hassan with a crowbar would be less offensive than raping him.

Thus, I do not wish to continue. I actually hate this more than Titus, or Brave, or anything else... simply because of this awful dramatically convenient rape.
And don't think it gets better, more bad stuff happens to Hassan, some of it actually at the hands of his friend Amir.
It also doesn't get the excuse of "based on a true story." It is based on a novel written by Khaled Hosseini. I'm sure he cared more about the whole rise of the taliban thing that occurs later in the story, but I can't get past this one scene. I cannot get past the pedophilic rape. It was a stupid decision on the part of the writer. It doesn't matter what comes before or after, because this movie will forever be "The one where a nazi rapes a kid" (he actually rapes MANY kids, male and female, later when he is a member of the taliban) It doesn't matter if Amir tries to redeem himself; he will always be awful in my eye.

If you like the movie, fine. But I have presented my reason for why I do not want to watch any further. And I loathe to point out that any arguments trying to oppose this opinion, will have to explain why raping a child is good for the story.

This is more heinous than Spiderman making a deal with the devil, or Marvel's the Blob eating X-men's Bumblebee... At least they didn't involve child rape...


This has been Fixer Sue, discovering that I really hate movies where children suffer.