Turbo

     This was a difficult review to start... Not because I don't know what to say, because I know exactly what I want to say. The problem is, the words are so damn annoying... So, I will be loquacious about it.

"Do not presume to know the contents of a lexicon simply by the luster of its bindings."

In more simple terms, "Don't judge a book by its cover"

Bleh, I hate that cliché... But it is true here.

Turbo is a good movie. Is it a very original movie? No, but then again, only watching paint dry is original now. Does it have flaws? Sure, I can point out a couple, but they don't really hurt it at all.

Could it have been better? Not really... Even if the flaws in the movie were fixed, it would still be about the same. It's basically the same thing as Disney's Tarzan; it's a good movie, and they did all they had to with it, and about all they could do. If they had tried to do more, I feel they would've over done it, and made the movie try to present itself as more grandiose than it actually was.
It's a pretty small scale story (no pun intended), of a snail who wants to be fast (mostly because his life is so boring and monotonous), and races in the Indianapolis 500. (By the way, I am not a racing fan, so my mind kept saying Daytona 500, rather than Indie, because Daytona sounds cooler.)

However, I feel that Turbo was more just a filler movie for Dreamworks. It'll make some money, which can be put towards other projects, like Kung Fu Panda 3, and How to Train Your Dragon 3 (If you're wondering about 2, it is coming in June next year. I was at first negative about it, afraid Dreamworks would screw up my favorite animated movie, but now when I see the new teaser for it on the big screen... My shyness and acknowledgement of others is the only thing keeping me from shouting "WOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOO!"). Being filler doesn't make it bad, it just makes it unlikely to be someone's favorite movie, and more likely to be something you put in the DVD player to keep the kids quiet for an hour or so, and don't have to feel guilty about because they aren't watching crap.

Turbo is funny, enjoyable, and just generally fun and happy. Animation fans will certainly enjoy it, kids as well; and generally anyone going into the movie just to have a good time. Just don't expect it to be groundbreaking; it's a snail in a race, the ground is fairly resistant to snails breaking it.


Though there is one thing I want to note... Every racing film has a villain, it is always the super pretentious 3-5 time champ, or just some random guy who is the favorite to win. For 3/4ths of the movie, this film appeared to lack that. The person who was the winner in previous years was a good guy, and the main character's idol; he was also the one to convince the people running the indie 500 to let Turbo race, and was also friendly with Turbo later in his shop... But then he becomes the pretentious villain, willing to even kill Turbo to win. In a way, I found that a step backwards. The film didn't need a villain; it would've been better if Turbo was welcomed as friendly competition, and if, when he lost, he simply congratulated Turbo. That would be original, and probably would've boosted this movie up a bit.
But, like I said before, it's somewhat of a minor problem, and wouldn't actually affect the movie that much. Still, if turbo somehow gets a sequel, don't have a villain.


This has been Fixer Sue.

Pacific Rim

There is a quote about this movie, which I wish to borrow from a review series called "The Isle of Rangoon"...

"This movie is the voice of a generation; of 5 year olds hopped up on coco-puffs. And it is awesome."

Pacific Rim is very awesome. It is a lot of fun, with cool designs, visuals, and amazing action.
I can fully recommend sci-fi fans to go see this movie, as well as fans of action movies. It isn't perfect (almost nothing is) but it is very enjoyable and satisfying.

As a side note, the characters are quite amazing as well. It isn't that they have extreme depth, but it is more amazing that they more have a list of bullet points to define them.
Now, I don't mean that in a negative way. What I mean is, certain descriptors, such as race, nationality, and gender, do not affect the actual personality of the character. The female love interest is written no differently from the rest of the characters, and barely any mention is made of nationality beyond one or two throw-away lines. The reason why I call these traits bullet points, is because you can add or change them, and it won't affect the character. They are not defined by one trait, regardless of what that trait is.


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Beyond this point are my musings on their universe. Nothing beyond this point is review. My opinion of the movie is that it is good and a lot of fun. Beyond here are minor nitpicks and questions. The actual "fixing" of the movie is also beyond this point, but I will put it simply: the movie has some flaws, but it does what it set out to do and succeeded. Perfection in this case would require it to be a massive video game franchise that delves deeper into the world... The movie is good as is, no repairs required. But, if you want to hear my further thoughts, read on.


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Why were giant Robots their first idea? Why not bombs? They say they tried bombing the breach and were unsuccessful, but what about bombing the kaiju (the monsters)? sure it'd later stop working (they evolve) but why were massive, expensive, difficult to use, giant robots, the first idea?
They said they were able to bring one down (I assume it is of the lowest level) with fighter jets and tanks. Why weren't they around to help? Or, why did they not focus on improving them first?
Take one of the jaegers (giant robots) out of commission, and humanity is screwed. Take one jet out, and there are still a dozen or so flying around. Not only that, but the jaegers fight the kaiju head on, in hand to hand combat... Jets fight from a distance.
But, I suppose a jet can't really house a nuclear reactor onboard... but how about an aircraft carrier?
Point blank, we have a lot of technology we can advance further, faster, than giant robots that fight the monsters man to man. That seems like... number ten on the list. something that one country works on, while the rest work on the current technology.

But, lets assume that the giant robots were the correct solution, and they saved time by going to them first... They were still very ineffective for one reason: blunt attacks don't really work on something that does not go squish.
Maces work on humans and most animals because we are spongy, and our bones can break easily. The Kaiju are much tougher than that. They have a hardened carapace, and very tough skin... If you are going to fight hand to hand, there is a much better way to do that... Swords, and axes. Piercing, and slicing.
The Jaegers actually do have swords, and they are immensely more effective than the punching, yet only start to pop up half-way through. A quick cut, and the kaiju are no more. The punching is cool, but ineffectual.

Finally, there is the aftermath to consider... The jaegers would change war as we know it. There is no way to fight them without another jaeger. Any country that cannot afford to make one (or a dozen) is screwed, and if another jaeger is better, they are still screwed. Jaegers would become the same as nuclear warheads, except reusable. Countries would be conquered in a matter of hours, quickly consolidating the world into a handful of countries engaged in a massive and very expensive game of Risk. The loss of human life would either be innumerable, or the smallest ever, depending on how the conquering goes. In the end, the world will be united as one massive country (my bet's on Canada), and we'll begin work in getting out into space with our jaegers.
Okay that actually sounds like an awesome sequel. The name can even be kept as Pacific Rim, since the countries that would more likely be able to fight all reside on the pacific rim (USA, Russia, China, et cetera). Giant robot versus giant robot, in a war to take over the world... You may take that idea film makers! Run with it! You've got a possible franchise!



This has been Fixer Sue.


Oh, by the way... listen for the female robotic announcer in the movie. She's being played by a certain testing obsessed AI that gamers all know and love...

Despicable Me 2

I was fully expecting this movie to go poorly. Not in terms of money, it obviously would make a lot of that, but in terms of reviews, plotlines, and actual quality. I felt the story did not need a sequel, as there was very little they could do to advance it. I also knew that the company would go HARD on the childish humor with the minions, and push out everything that was good in the first movie. I was right and wrong in certain aspects.

Despicable Me 2 is a good movie; and a very good movie if you like the minions. It is just missing a bit of the heart in the first one, along with some of the cooler aspects.

The story this time is about Gru being recruited by the Anti Villain League (not to be confused with the Anti-Villain League, which is a league of villains who are not all that villainous), and falling in love with his female partner Lucy Wilde (played by Kristen Wiig). The girls are still in it, but they play a very minor role… They actually get less screen-time than the minions, to the point where they have to be shoehorned into the climax so that we don’t forget they’re there! Margo has a brief love subplot, but it goes nowhere… Which is a point to bring up later…

The AVL hires Gru to track down a villain who stole a secret formula that turns things into the rabbit from Monty Python’s The Holy Grail. But, this is mostly just setup for Gru and Lucy’s love story. Which I have no qualms with, animated movies need to explore other avenues like love stories, it’s just that the love story here doesn't get enough screen time. Gru and Lucy have one or two scenes with good chemistry, but that’s pretty much it. Their love story doesn't get enough screen-time to develop, and feels somewhat rushed near the end. If they cut out the minion scenes (or at least half of them) and devoted it to their development, the progression would've been much more natural and believable. There could've actually been more scenes with the girls as well, showing them interacting with Lucy, growing an attachment to her as well, rather than simply share one scene with her, and immediately love her once she is their mother.

Returning to Margo’s mini-love arc, Margo actually falls in love (or at least has a crush on) the child of the main villain. However, that distinction is superfluous, as nothing comes of it. The Boy dumps Margo at a party, Gru freezes him, and the fact he’s the villain’s son is never brought up again. I expected the boy to actually be the mastermind. You see, his father had actually faked his death years before, which would imply he wanted to leave the business. The son could've convinced him to get back into it, come up with the plan... Hell, Gru even foreshadows it when claiming he is probably the mastermind (he was more trying to keep him away from Margo, but it still would've been more interesting).

There are just a lot of things that if the creators gave it more thought they could've fixed.

But, all this plot is actually more of a sideshow to the antics of the minions... I have voiced my distaste with them before, viewing them as essentially plot cul-de-sacs, full of gags that while funny can become grating. But, others seem to really, really love them... But, even those who like them, can admit they spent too much time on them this time. However, what makes this really bad, is the fact that three minion gag scenes were shown in previews and commercials, pretty much ruining them in the movie itself. Being spoiled to these scenes made them seem even longer, and feel like they took up more of the movie. There are only a handful of scenes with the minions that were not spoiled... Overtly.

The best minion scene (in my opinion) was a scene where they are in a bar, singing and being boistrous. Obviously we can't understand them, but the song rang a bell, though I did not recognize it at the time.

Take a listen:

They are singing an actual song, called "Another Irish Drinking Song" by Da Vinci's Notebook.

Here are the lyrics:

Now everybody's died, so until our tears are dried,

we'll drink and drink and drink and drink and then we'll drink some more.

We'll dance and fight and sing until the early morning light

then we'll throw up, pass out, wake up and then go drinking once again

I respect a piece of media that manages to get past the radar that well (and uses a song I actually recognize while being a bit more subtle about it). Doesn't make the minions any better in my eyes, but  it's at least a gag I can get behind.

Again, the movie was good and enjoyable, but not as good as the first movie. The heavier focus on the minions sapped time away from the actual story, and made it thinner than it needed to be. There are other plot elements that weren't thought through very well and could use a polish. But, kids will enjoy it regardless.

I do hope that we get a true animated love story some day... Not just a subplot like in Ratatouille, or just setup like in UP... I mean an actual Romance in animation, where the plot isn't saving the world or anything, it is simply a guy meets a girl and falls in love. Or the other way around, or double-up on one gender, whatever floats the boats. Just, something so that animation is not just the children's comedy medium... I don't even like love stories, so let that tell you how strange it is that I want to see one in that vein done well.

And please... Whatever production company is making Free Birds, jump into different genres IMMEDIATELY. There is an overabundance of comedy and you're aiming extremely low for your first go. Aim for something higher, like an animated action movie... Hell, you could make Flash Gordon, or something along those lines! You just don't want to follow the footsteps of Sony Picture Animation, the makers of Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs, Open Season, and the Smurfs... It's a hard road, laden with negative reviews and almost no recognition. While you still have a chance, diverge from the path, and make a name for yourself. You don't want a movie about time traveling turkeys to be your last animated movie.

That's all for now, this has been Fixer Sue.