Stranger than Fan Fiction- History

     Fan fiction is widely derided on the internet; many consider it to just be women pairing off their favorite characters with very little editing and spell checking. In many cases, this assumption is correct. A prime example of this is "My Immortal," a self-insert Harry Potter fanfic that is the both the most well known fan fiction, and is also one of the most widely hated. But that is just the mere surface of this internet phenomenon. There is so much more to see.

     First, a brief history: Fan fiction is as old as stories. No, seriously. Though Fan Fiction is a new term, it has been around significantly longer. What do I mean? Well... There is a chains of books, written by different authors, that are all written as fan works of another.
     The chain begins with Homer's The Iliad (adapted into the movie Troy, for those ignorant of the book). It tells us about the war between Greece and Troy, the politics involved in it (both on earth and on Olympus), and the people involved in the war. It is the source of tropes like "Achilleus in his tent" (The spelling of Achilleus is varied. Some use a K, some don't... I use the version found in my copy of the book), and is one of the great epic poems of the past.
      Which is probably why Rome wanted a story about how they descended from Troy as propaganda. They commissioned Virgil to write The Aeneid, the story of Aeneas, one of the few survivors of the Trojan Horse attack, who would later found Rome. The Aeneid is written in much of the same style as the Iliad and Homer's other works, which makes sense since they wanted it to be like an extension on them. There is one notable detour in Aeneas's quest: he journeys through the underworld. There is quite a bit of explanation on the innerworkings of the underworld; such as the Elysium Fields (not the movie), the pit of Tartarus, and the river Styx. Though the Aeneid pretty much forgets the whole thing occurred, it is important for the next book in the line...
     Dante's Inferno is probably much more widely known than the other two, and it is the third piece of this chain. You see, Dante was a fan of Virgil's the Aeneid; so much in fact, that Dante made Virgil his guide through Hell. Why? Because Dante's Inferno is a self-insert fanfic, where he gets to meet his idol, along with philosophers like Socrates and Plato, and punishes people he doesn't like, like the pope. With that, there is also a whole lot of Continuity porn, such as Hektor being higher up in Hell than Achilleus, Dido being in Hell for lusting for Aeneas, Charon being the ferryman for souls (and even mentioning the other people who've crossed into the underworld and caused trouble), and Limbo being a word for word equal to the Elysium Fields. Dante's Inferno is true blue Fan Fiction. Different perspective on the whole thing now eh?

     Fan Fiction as a term mostly came about because of movies and other big productions, along with copyrights. Before copyrights, anyone could simply write a sequel to someone else's work, and it'd just be called a story. After copyrights put the kibosh on that, there became a rift between the creators of a piece, and the consumers.  Consumers trying extend the story for others became illegal (along with just flat out stealing the book to make money, but we're not focusing on that), thus there was a problem: consumers had to accept what was given to them, with zero control over the outcome.

     ...Then came the fanzines. This was a new (legally unstable) method of outputting fan fiction to people. The fan fiction featured was much shorter; they tended to be short stories, unless a magazine was okay with printed them chapter by chapter. They were of decidedly lesser quality than previous ventures (then again, a lot of things pale in comparison to the Iliad), but still, they were generally good. However, they were prone to being taken down by companies for violating copyright, as is prone to happen when one profits off someone else's work.

     Fan fiction was in a rut, until the internet. With he internet, came a massive surge of Fan Fiction. In 1998, fanfiction.net went live, and 3 years later, it had 100,000 stories cataloged. The quality of each piece did not matter, because there were more available if you didn't like one! The best part of all, since it is free, it falls under fair use, making it safe from copyright infringement! (Unless some other circumstance occurs, but that's generally true.)

That brings us to the present... Fan Fiction is everywhere. It is nearly unavoidable. But, there is a lot going on with it... Return here tomorrow for the next installment of Stranger than Fan Fiction.

Turbo

     This was a difficult review to start... Not because I don't know what to say, because I know exactly what I want to say. The problem is, the words are so damn annoying... So, I will be loquacious about it.

"Do not presume to know the contents of a lexicon simply by the luster of its bindings."

In more simple terms, "Don't judge a book by its cover"

Bleh, I hate that cliché... But it is true here.

Turbo is a good movie. Is it a very original movie? No, but then again, only watching paint dry is original now. Does it have flaws? Sure, I can point out a couple, but they don't really hurt it at all.

Could it have been better? Not really... Even if the flaws in the movie were fixed, it would still be about the same. It's basically the same thing as Disney's Tarzan; it's a good movie, and they did all they had to with it, and about all they could do. If they had tried to do more, I feel they would've over done it, and made the movie try to present itself as more grandiose than it actually was.
It's a pretty small scale story (no pun intended), of a snail who wants to be fast (mostly because his life is so boring and monotonous), and races in the Indianapolis 500. (By the way, I am not a racing fan, so my mind kept saying Daytona 500, rather than Indie, because Daytona sounds cooler.)

However, I feel that Turbo was more just a filler movie for Dreamworks. It'll make some money, which can be put towards other projects, like Kung Fu Panda 3, and How to Train Your Dragon 3 (If you're wondering about 2, it is coming in June next year. I was at first negative about it, afraid Dreamworks would screw up my favorite animated movie, but now when I see the new teaser for it on the big screen... My shyness and acknowledgement of others is the only thing keeping me from shouting "WOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOO!"). Being filler doesn't make it bad, it just makes it unlikely to be someone's favorite movie, and more likely to be something you put in the DVD player to keep the kids quiet for an hour or so, and don't have to feel guilty about because they aren't watching crap.

Turbo is funny, enjoyable, and just generally fun and happy. Animation fans will certainly enjoy it, kids as well; and generally anyone going into the movie just to have a good time. Just don't expect it to be groundbreaking; it's a snail in a race, the ground is fairly resistant to snails breaking it.


Though there is one thing I want to note... Every racing film has a villain, it is always the super pretentious 3-5 time champ, or just some random guy who is the favorite to win. For 3/4ths of the movie, this film appeared to lack that. The person who was the winner in previous years was a good guy, and the main character's idol; he was also the one to convince the people running the indie 500 to let Turbo race, and was also friendly with Turbo later in his shop... But then he becomes the pretentious villain, willing to even kill Turbo to win. In a way, I found that a step backwards. The film didn't need a villain; it would've been better if Turbo was welcomed as friendly competition, and if, when he lost, he simply congratulated Turbo. That would be original, and probably would've boosted this movie up a bit.
But, like I said before, it's somewhat of a minor problem, and wouldn't actually affect the movie that much. Still, if turbo somehow gets a sequel, don't have a villain.


This has been Fixer Sue.

Pacific Rim

There is a quote about this movie, which I wish to borrow from a review series called "The Isle of Rangoon"...

"This movie is the voice of a generation; of 5 year olds hopped up on coco-puffs. And it is awesome."

Pacific Rim is very awesome. It is a lot of fun, with cool designs, visuals, and amazing action.
I can fully recommend sci-fi fans to go see this movie, as well as fans of action movies. It isn't perfect (almost nothing is) but it is very enjoyable and satisfying.

As a side note, the characters are quite amazing as well. It isn't that they have extreme depth, but it is more amazing that they more have a list of bullet points to define them.
Now, I don't mean that in a negative way. What I mean is, certain descriptors, such as race, nationality, and gender, do not affect the actual personality of the character. The female love interest is written no differently from the rest of the characters, and barely any mention is made of nationality beyond one or two throw-away lines. The reason why I call these traits bullet points, is because you can add or change them, and it won't affect the character. They are not defined by one trait, regardless of what that trait is.


_________________________________________________________________________________


Beyond this point are my musings on their universe. Nothing beyond this point is review. My opinion of the movie is that it is good and a lot of fun. Beyond here are minor nitpicks and questions. The actual "fixing" of the movie is also beyond this point, but I will put it simply: the movie has some flaws, but it does what it set out to do and succeeded. Perfection in this case would require it to be a massive video game franchise that delves deeper into the world... The movie is good as is, no repairs required. But, if you want to hear my further thoughts, read on.


_________________________________________________________________________________


Why were giant Robots their first idea? Why not bombs? They say they tried bombing the breach and were unsuccessful, but what about bombing the kaiju (the monsters)? sure it'd later stop working (they evolve) but why were massive, expensive, difficult to use, giant robots, the first idea?
They said they were able to bring one down (I assume it is of the lowest level) with fighter jets and tanks. Why weren't they around to help? Or, why did they not focus on improving them first?
Take one of the jaegers (giant robots) out of commission, and humanity is screwed. Take one jet out, and there are still a dozen or so flying around. Not only that, but the jaegers fight the kaiju head on, in hand to hand combat... Jets fight from a distance.
But, I suppose a jet can't really house a nuclear reactor onboard... but how about an aircraft carrier?
Point blank, we have a lot of technology we can advance further, faster, than giant robots that fight the monsters man to man. That seems like... number ten on the list. something that one country works on, while the rest work on the current technology.

But, lets assume that the giant robots were the correct solution, and they saved time by going to them first... They were still very ineffective for one reason: blunt attacks don't really work on something that does not go squish.
Maces work on humans and most animals because we are spongy, and our bones can break easily. The Kaiju are much tougher than that. They have a hardened carapace, and very tough skin... If you are going to fight hand to hand, there is a much better way to do that... Swords, and axes. Piercing, and slicing.
The Jaegers actually do have swords, and they are immensely more effective than the punching, yet only start to pop up half-way through. A quick cut, and the kaiju are no more. The punching is cool, but ineffectual.

Finally, there is the aftermath to consider... The jaegers would change war as we know it. There is no way to fight them without another jaeger. Any country that cannot afford to make one (or a dozen) is screwed, and if another jaeger is better, they are still screwed. Jaegers would become the same as nuclear warheads, except reusable. Countries would be conquered in a matter of hours, quickly consolidating the world into a handful of countries engaged in a massive and very expensive game of Risk. The loss of human life would either be innumerable, or the smallest ever, depending on how the conquering goes. In the end, the world will be united as one massive country (my bet's on Canada), and we'll begin work in getting out into space with our jaegers.
Okay that actually sounds like an awesome sequel. The name can even be kept as Pacific Rim, since the countries that would more likely be able to fight all reside on the pacific rim (USA, Russia, China, et cetera). Giant robot versus giant robot, in a war to take over the world... You may take that idea film makers! Run with it! You've got a possible franchise!



This has been Fixer Sue.


Oh, by the way... listen for the female robotic announcer in the movie. She's being played by a certain testing obsessed AI that gamers all know and love...

Despicable Me 2

I was fully expecting this movie to go poorly. Not in terms of money, it obviously would make a lot of that, but in terms of reviews, plotlines, and actual quality. I felt the story did not need a sequel, as there was very little they could do to advance it. I also knew that the company would go HARD on the childish humor with the minions, and push out everything that was good in the first movie. I was right and wrong in certain aspects.

Despicable Me 2 is a good movie; and a very good movie if you like the minions. It is just missing a bit of the heart in the first one, along with some of the cooler aspects.

The story this time is about Gru being recruited by the Anti Villain League (not to be confused with the Anti-Villain League, which is a league of villains who are not all that villainous), and falling in love with his female partner Lucy Wilde (played by Kristen Wiig). The girls are still in it, but they play a very minor role… They actually get less screen-time than the minions, to the point where they have to be shoehorned into the climax so that we don’t forget they’re there! Margo has a brief love subplot, but it goes nowhere… Which is a point to bring up later…

The AVL hires Gru to track down a villain who stole a secret formula that turns things into the rabbit from Monty Python’s The Holy Grail. But, this is mostly just setup for Gru and Lucy’s love story. Which I have no qualms with, animated movies need to explore other avenues like love stories, it’s just that the love story here doesn't get enough screen time. Gru and Lucy have one or two scenes with good chemistry, but that’s pretty much it. Their love story doesn't get enough screen-time to develop, and feels somewhat rushed near the end. If they cut out the minion scenes (or at least half of them) and devoted it to their development, the progression would've been much more natural and believable. There could've actually been more scenes with the girls as well, showing them interacting with Lucy, growing an attachment to her as well, rather than simply share one scene with her, and immediately love her once she is their mother.

Returning to Margo’s mini-love arc, Margo actually falls in love (or at least has a crush on) the child of the main villain. However, that distinction is superfluous, as nothing comes of it. The Boy dumps Margo at a party, Gru freezes him, and the fact he’s the villain’s son is never brought up again. I expected the boy to actually be the mastermind. You see, his father had actually faked his death years before, which would imply he wanted to leave the business. The son could've convinced him to get back into it, come up with the plan... Hell, Gru even foreshadows it when claiming he is probably the mastermind (he was more trying to keep him away from Margo, but it still would've been more interesting).

There are just a lot of things that if the creators gave it more thought they could've fixed.

But, all this plot is actually more of a sideshow to the antics of the minions... I have voiced my distaste with them before, viewing them as essentially plot cul-de-sacs, full of gags that while funny can become grating. But, others seem to really, really love them... But, even those who like them, can admit they spent too much time on them this time. However, what makes this really bad, is the fact that three minion gag scenes were shown in previews and commercials, pretty much ruining them in the movie itself. Being spoiled to these scenes made them seem even longer, and feel like they took up more of the movie. There are only a handful of scenes with the minions that were not spoiled... Overtly.

The best minion scene (in my opinion) was a scene where they are in a bar, singing and being boistrous. Obviously we can't understand them, but the song rang a bell, though I did not recognize it at the time.

Take a listen:

They are singing an actual song, called "Another Irish Drinking Song" by Da Vinci's Notebook.

Here are the lyrics:

Now everybody's died, so until our tears are dried,

we'll drink and drink and drink and drink and then we'll drink some more.

We'll dance and fight and sing until the early morning light

then we'll throw up, pass out, wake up and then go drinking once again

I respect a piece of media that manages to get past the radar that well (and uses a song I actually recognize while being a bit more subtle about it). Doesn't make the minions any better in my eyes, but  it's at least a gag I can get behind.

Again, the movie was good and enjoyable, but not as good as the first movie. The heavier focus on the minions sapped time away from the actual story, and made it thinner than it needed to be. There are other plot elements that weren't thought through very well and could use a polish. But, kids will enjoy it regardless.

I do hope that we get a true animated love story some day... Not just a subplot like in Ratatouille, or just setup like in UP... I mean an actual Romance in animation, where the plot isn't saving the world or anything, it is simply a guy meets a girl and falls in love. Or the other way around, or double-up on one gender, whatever floats the boats. Just, something so that animation is not just the children's comedy medium... I don't even like love stories, so let that tell you how strange it is that I want to see one in that vein done well.

And please... Whatever production company is making Free Birds, jump into different genres IMMEDIATELY. There is an overabundance of comedy and you're aiming extremely low for your first go. Aim for something higher, like an animated action movie... Hell, you could make Flash Gordon, or something along those lines! You just don't want to follow the footsteps of Sony Picture Animation, the makers of Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs, Open Season, and the Smurfs... It's a hard road, laden with negative reviews and almost no recognition. While you still have a chance, diverge from the path, and make a name for yourself. You don't want a movie about time traveling turkeys to be your last animated movie.

That's all for now, this has been Fixer Sue.

Epic

Damn it Pixar, every time I go to the movies, you lessen your image more and more. Before seeing Epic at AMC, we were treated to the characters of Monster University shilling Swiffer, and Lowes. Just what children want, right?! Oy... You're starting to look like the Lorax here, especially considering you've given up all your jokes in the commercials, to the point where, regardless of if they are funny or not, no one will laugh, BECAUSE WE'VE SEEN IT A DOZEN TIMES.

Okay, triad against Pixar's poor decision-making over... Onto Epic.


It's about a 6.5/10. It's not bad, just not really good. It's fun in parts, but also rather stupid in others...

     Some may recall my love of Rio, which had a surprisingly good love story, and characters that had good qualities while still being comedic.
     This does not really apply here...
     Epic's characters are all bland. We got a bumbling professor, a down-to-earth teenage girl, a reckless speedster, a serious general, a loving queen, dumb comedy relief, one-note villain... The characters aren't interesting...
      The story is pretty standard as well; basic chase after a MacGuffin (trope name for a plot relevant noun), fight the bad guy, bad guy gets swallowed by a tree. (No, seriously. He dies by tree growth. This is a CG movie and, amazingly enough, that looked really weird and fake. Wrap your head around that...)
      And the voice acting... Why were big-name actors hired to do the voices? Why did the queen (by the way, love the fact it was a queen instead of a princess) have to be Beyonce, and why did a bit-part mafia toad have to be played by Pitbull? Colin Firth was okay as Rhonin, but it was somehwat standard acting, nothing really to write home about... You know something is wrong when I mention the actors; I never care about the actors!

     If you have children in need of entertainment, it is a good enough movie. If you're an animation fan, go see it in 3D, I hear the imagery is at least good; maybe get the movie's soundtrack and listen to that while the movie is playing and ignore the story altogether.


     As for how I would improve the story... One idea is to make the main human girl be the one who is interested in the tiny forest people, cut out the father and family story altogether. Then while small she could be gushing about how amazing it all is, basically fangirling it up. But, while she's doing that, make her Awesome By Analysis. She can be silly and a little goofy, but she should be able to fight the bad guys and learn the mechanics of their world fairly quickly; IE, she should be able to learn to fly a hummingbird and jump insanely high fairly quickly, and be effective in fighting. Basically think if Jar Jar Binks lost his clumsiness and became a Jedi.

You know The Phantom Menace would be the number one Star Wars film if Jar Jar was awesome.

     Also, remove all other comedy relief characters. The main character girl will more than make up for the loss of the slugs, and then some. (By the way BlueSky, the comedy relief characters sort of worked in Rio, but that's because more emphasis was put on the main characters; don't overdo the comedy relief, otherwise you are relieving us from comedy with comedy.)

     Finally, make the villain represent something different. In the movie, he represents rot and decay... which are a part of life, and feed regrowth. He should be more of an ally then an enemy, removing dead things to make room for newer things... like a garbage man.  One could instead make him a rival kingdom of the forest, vying for control. It could be that he wishes to remove the beauty of the forest and make it harsh and cold so that it may survive better, while the heroes want to it have beauty and freedom, at the risk of destruction. That is a philosophical disagreement there worth fighting over (wars have been fought for less).

     Other than that, stop hiring celebrity voice actors. get actual actors to do the voices, or, even better, get Voice actors and actresses to do it. (Cree Summer, who has done work in voice acting for over 200 titles, including TV, Movies, and video games, doing the voice work for Susie of the Rugrats and Foxxy Love of Drawn Together,  would've done a significantly better job at voicing the queen, than Beyonce.)

This has been Fixer Sue.

Oh, one more thing...

Imagine him as Anakin Skywalker.

...You really want a remake of the Phantom Menace now, don't you?

Star Wars: The Old Republic

     Recently, I have been getting into a game called "Star Wars: The Old Republic".
     Released in December of 2011, SWTOR (as it is known) was touted as being a "WoW Killer", and that it was going to change the landscape of MMOs as we know it... It turned out that it was as deadly a killer as a shrunken cotton ball. Yes, World of Warcraft was not killed by this game... Helped by the fact The Old Republic copied A LOT from World of Warcraft; from ability resources and stats to even the color of Player Nameplates when they are in PVP mode. It also completely copied WoW's old talent system (with some very minor adjustments).
      Looking at this game, whose development has been incredibly slow, and comparing it to World of Warcraft, which has gotten better over time, reveals some interesting facts about game mechanics that can make or break a game.


     First off, I want to be clear: I am not a big Star Wars fan. I have seen all the prequels, but not the original trilogy. Believe it or not, I was actually once a part of the demographic that liked Jar Jar (yes, the annoying Jar Jar was liked. George Lucas wasn't wise, but he wasn't a total moron in that respect). I am not the guy to go to for information on Star Wars. Or Star Trek. Everything I know about them is mostly through pop-culture osmosis.
     Secondly, I would also like to note that I do like this game... To an extent. I like the story, especially the Republic Trooper one, but a lot of other things annoy me. Some are exclusive to this game, some are a part of MMOs in general. Either way, remember, my name is Fixer Sue if you disagree with my opinions, you have my name as justification. I will refrain from simply saying something is bad, and will give facts to back it up, so I ask that you at least give these thoughts the time of day.
     Thirdly, this is going to be pretty heavily focused on gaming, specifically on MMOs, and might go on for a while. If you have no interest in the genre, I suggest clicking away to another cat video... In the meantime however, let us consider the flaws in a previous WoW Killer...


     I suppose I should start with the good points.
     The game was developed by Bioware, the same company that made the Mass Effect and Dragons Age games; and it definitely shows in the story department. The story mainly takes place in interactive (and fully voiced) cutscenes, where the player has two-three options for what they want to say in response to the NPCs. This part of the game is a lot of fun. especially when one is playing a certain type of character (serious light-sided trooper, snarky dark-sided jedi... anything is plausible). And one gets opportunities for these in every quest, whether it be a main quest, or a side quest.
     However, I should note some things about this that are bothersome... First of all, the characters are always static, barely moving during the scenes... Anything tense about the scene is immediately lost when the enemy who is saying that they are about to attack, has sheathed their weapon and is standing rather calmly. Unless a scene is taking place in a rather calm area, this seems very out of place and rather silly. Not to mention their movements become repetitive. Adding some idle animations for the characters being ready to attack would've helped alleviate this; and they already exist! Just use the same idle attack animations as the player characters! Also, be more dynamic with the camera when they are speaking, cut to their eyes sometimes or to a far off shot of the scene, with the player character and the enemy ready to fight... These scenes are supposed to be cinematic, but feel very game-y and weird.
     Secondly, there is a problem with the dialog choices themselves... It can be very hard to tell what an option means at times. For instance, you might read an option as being a little snarky, but when chosen, you end up looking like a kiss-ass. This is because each option is a short phrase, supposedly resembling the full response... except that the intent of the response would be much more useful. Labeling a response as "Serious", "Snarky", "disrespectful", and so on, would pretty much eliminate this problem. It'd also reduce the amount of times a player accidentally asks "what's a paladin?" after spending 20 hours with a paladin. (Not an example within the game, the real equivalent would be rakghoul, but paladin is better known in pop-culture than some random 90's alien name.)


     Away from the story an into Game Mechanics, I also liked the space ship battles one could partake in. They are basically like the game Starfox, but with better graphics, and slightly less clunky movement than an old SNES game. It is a fun change of pace from the actual game itself, and it only lasts a few minutes, so it doesn't overstay its welcome.
     I would seriously pay for a class that does only spaceship quests, and basically play like the Enterprise.
Unfortunately, one has to pay to play much of the space battles at all... more on the business practices later...


     Now the actual meat of the game, the combat...
... It is long, dull, and repetitive. What you basically do is hit certain buttons in a sequence for optimal damage/healing/threat. Now, this is exactly the same as World of Warcraft... Except not. In World of Warcraft, not using the optimal rotation is still okay, as you still can do enough damage to survive without issue. In SWTOR however, the difference between not using the optimal build, and using it, is not only immense, it is game changing.
    I was dying quite a lot as my trooper. The enemies just would not die fast enough, and I was constantly confused about what attacks I should be using. So, I looked up the optimal build on the internet... and suddenly I am dying a lot less, and having an easier time with enemies. That is pretty significant.
     However, this difference isn't one of skill; my ability to press buttons has not changed with the rotation. What changed was knowledge... Specifically, the knowledge of what was actually worth using. Before looking it up, I was using attacks that were far outside the recommended rotation for my spec... but I was using them because they were the abilities I had since I started playing that character. This is not intuitive at all...
     Compare this to World of Warcraft... It has a lot of attacks that one can use, and they fill up a lot of action bars. However, the rotation is rather easy to figure out for each spec, helped by the fact that attacks you earn in the beginning are still used as a part of your primary rotation. The only possible confusion occurs when a new attack is more powerful than another, and should replace an earlier one. However, the game also has as a part of the talent specialization system, an info blurb about which abilities are important to one's attack rotation. This isn't making the game easier, this is giving assistance and explanation to those who need it.

    Speaking of talents, we should look over SWTOR's talent trees...

Oops, sorry, that is a World of Warcraft talent tree from Wrath of the Lich King, here is a SWTOR talent tree:

The difference is that one runs downward, while the other one goes up!

For reference, here's a talent tree in WoW right now:

     Yeah, one thing people complain about WoW lately is that the talent trees are too small, and that there is barely any difference between player characters. Except SWTOR demonstrates why Blizzard was right to change the talent tree system.

     SWTOR's talent tree has the same problem as WoW's old system: there is one optimal build for each spec, and deviating from it means you will suck. It takes a very long time to climb the tree, and you barely see any results from it. Meanwhile, under WoW's new system, while you only get a new talent every 15 levels, you get something interesting for it, usually in the form of a new ability. The reason this works so much better, is because these abilities are tangible; they affect the gameplay in a big way. SWTOR's trees are made up of empty percentages that increase damage... whoopie. I prefer the option to choose something cool to play with every 15 levels, rather than plugging in points in a chart so that I can deal optimal damage, and hopefully beat the enemies without dying. I may still die with the cool ability, but at least it does something tangible.

    Speaking of tangibility... What do you imagine when you think of  a light saber fight? probably someone getting their limb chopped off right? Not only does that not happen in the game, light sabers feel more like glowy bats than swords. They deal damage, but apparently some random thugs on the street have torsos that are immune to being cutoff. What I'm getting at is, is that the attacks have no impact or weight behind them. Guns shoot BB pellets, light sabers smash instead of cut, and lightning is just glowy. They all deal damage, but they feel weak. This is, of course, gameplay and story segregation... But it just seems absolutely ridiculous to shoot a guy with over 4 dozen plasma rounds to the face, and have him still able to calmly stand there and shoot you. Now, this is also true in WoW, where one can throw balls of fire that act more like one is throwing a rock at them, but there is still impact behind it.


I suppose SWTOR is a WoW Killer in some respect... in that I stopped playing MMOs for a while after I realized they were all like this. Press buttons until the enemy is defeated, if you are using the optimal build it will go faster, and the attacks barely have weight behind them. I have only recently gotten back into the groove of MMOs, mostly through accepting that they will just be this way...

But, it doesn't have to be like this. There doesn't need to be any of this nonsense about rotations or talent specs... What I'm basically saying is, screw rotational abilities, just go the route of hack and slash. Make it a bit like Diablo; where you have some abilities for attack or defense, that you activate as you see fit. Except, put some real weight behind attacks; make successful light saber strikes actually kill, rather than simply damage the target. Same with the guns and force abilities; make them be powerful, because they are supposed to be powerful.
    The game sort of is designed like a hack and slash, considering there are densely packed groups of enemies that block your progress until you defeat them. If they were much easier to defeat, I'd have less problems with them. As it stands, every molehill is a mountain.

     Of course, there is a reason everything is so hard and takes so long... it's because of the dinosaur known as leveling. Leveling is basically a measure of progression, and a limiter, keeping one confined to certain areas. And it is an extreme pain that really needs to go away... Levels are one of the reasons we can't have one-hit kills in MMOs. It is honestly fake longevity at this point; story says I should be able to kill anyone because I have a plasma gun, but levels says I can't even hit a guy because he's 5 levels above me. I look forward to an MMO where there is no leveling, only playing in a massive world.

     But, no leveling won't ever happen... because the people who created the game want money. Fair enough, it costs money to create the game... Just as it is also fair that people don't necessarily want to pay to grind levels.
     SWTOR was originally a subscription-based game (like WoW). SWTOR recently went free-to-play, meaning that anyone can play it for free, all the way up to the level cap. Or, as far as you can take their restrictions... Usually, when a game has a free mode and a subscription mode, there are some restrictions on the free mode that are lifted from the subscription mode, along with some additional benefits added to the subscription mode. Most of the time however, the free mode does not dip below normal levels. You see, free players earn XP at a reduced rate... they are 75% of the normal exp rate. So, and already slow and grindy process is increased. whoopidy hopidy. But wait, there's more! Subscribers earn bonus exp! So, no one earns the regular amount of experience. Why would you reduce the amount of exp non-subscribers get? It doesn't make them want to subscribe, it makes them want to leave! Here is how it normally works: free-to-play is basically the normal game, subscription adds neat benefits, and unlocks some content. Restricting F2P content is not how you get people to subscribe.
     But, this is EA. If crushing a puppy could earn them a dollar, they'd buy a kennel.


Over-all, the reason why I have so many problems with this game, is because everything listed and discussed after the story content, gets in the way of the story. The Story is the best part, and the rest of this bogs it down. If I could ignore everything else, and just do the class quests, I would. But, since I have to level up, otherwise my weightless attacks will be useless, I have to do everything but the fun stuff, just to move forward. Yuck.

    SWTOR is no WoW Killer. It is a WoW clone, with genetic defects that make it feel worse, with a couple good points.



    WoW Killer is an old phrase now... It has been applied to almost every single new MMO to come out. Honestly, the only time I will be able to say that WoW is old and some new MMO is the future, is when they basically make a medieval/sci-fi life simulator, with no levels, and no health bars. Elder Scrolls Online comes close, but isn't exactly it... Read "Tom Clancy's Net Force: The Deadliest Game" to get my idea of what a WoW Killer would look like.


Back to SWTOR... I play it because I like the story and the characters. I tolerate the gameplay because of it.
Oh, I forgot to mention... I get consistent lag and connection timeouts. I know my internet is fine, and my graphics settings are quite low. Normally, I wouldn't care too much... except that this usually means that I can't move forward (imagine an invisible wall blocking your path, and you have to wait an indeterminate amount of time for it to disappear), and am likely to die. Not fun, especially when death is also a pain.

My personal rating for SWTOR: 6/10. Some good points, but it is mostly bogged down by bad design and mechanics choices. Had they made it less gamey, and more like the movies (IE, light saber no care about yo'r armor...), then it probably would've been a whole lot more fun. As it stands, I'm just likely to continue playing, just hoping that the game decides to allow me to have fun.

The Kite Runner

This review will be rather short... Recall that in my Halo: Legends review, as well as Treasure Planet's review, that I reserve my right as a consumer to stop watching a movie before its completion... This is another one of those times.
Mind you, I have to watch this film all the way through for my film class, but it reached a point where every time I think about continuing to watch it I think "I do not want to watch any more of this..."
Though I will be watching the entire film (as much as I REALLY do not want to...) I shall be reviewing it at this point because if I was not being forced to watch it, this is where I would have stopped.

The Kite Runner is set in Afghanistan, and follows Amir, a bit of a coward and pessimist, who only friend is Hassan, who is a servant of his father's. They go to the movies together, fly battle kites... and Hassan acts as a protector for Amir when some nazi-wannabes come and harass them (I'm serious about the dude being a nazi wannabe. This is set in 1960 by the way).
Amir's mother died giving birth to him, and he blames himself for it (He's worse than the Lannisters in this regard; at least Tyrion does wallow in self-pity all the time), and his father is one of those "well done son" guys, who only shows interest or care when they do something amazing. So winning the kite battle tournament is a big deal for Amir.

After Amir and Hassan win the tournament, Amir sends Hassan to retrieve the kite (there is an earlier scene where Hassan shows an almost psychic ability to know where the kite will come down, and he can collect it). And it is about this point that I do not wish to continue the movie.

Everything up to this point was fine; it had a couple good humorous moments, and some good drama...
But that disintegrates in the next scene.
Amir notices that Hassan has snot returned with the kite, and goes looking for him. He finds out the nazi-wannabes followed him, and cornered him in the alley...

Now, in any normal film or story, one would assume they were going to beat him up, "teach him a lesson," and leave him.
No. They do something much more heinous, stupid, and awful. And I don't mean the characters, I mean the writer.
The Nazi-wannabes gang rape Hassan.
...and Amir sees it happen, but does nothing out of fear. Thus the Nazi-wannabes get away with it...
And when Hassan comes out, Amir is waiting on steps outside the alleyway, and goes up to Hassan... Not even asking if he's okay, just pretending that he was looking for him... Meanwhile, blood is dripping from Hassan's pant legs into the snow.

..........
NO.
No, no no...
I don't care if this happens in real life, or has happened, you do not do this. There is a reason why the "infant immortality" trope exists; it's because these kinds of actions are intolerable. Beating up a child is already heinous, but at least it isn't RAPE.
And, you want to know what else? This is actually a problem on a different level, not just on a moral level.
Earlier in the movie, Amir explains one of his stories to Hassan, about a man whose tears turn into pearl when they fall into a goblet. In order to get more tears, he kills his wife. Hassan asks the legit question: "Why didn't he just cut an onion?"
The obvious answer to Hassan's question is dramatic convenience. Which is what the rape scene is for; rape is more dramatic than being beaten, just as murdering one's wife is more dramatic than cutting an onion. That is already a terrible idea, as it reduces rape to something that gives shock value, but it calls to mind a different idea: Why not use another method for the same effect? Why not have the wife of the man be killed by another, rather than killed by the man? Why not use another form of assault upon Hassan, rather than rape? Assaulting Hassan with a crowbar would be less offensive than raping him.

Thus, I do not wish to continue. I actually hate this more than Titus, or Brave, or anything else... simply because of this awful dramatically convenient rape.
And don't think it gets better, more bad stuff happens to Hassan, some of it actually at the hands of his friend Amir.
It also doesn't get the excuse of "based on a true story." It is based on a novel written by Khaled Hosseini. I'm sure he cared more about the whole rise of the taliban thing that occurs later in the story, but I can't get past this one scene. I cannot get past the pedophilic rape. It was a stupid decision on the part of the writer. It doesn't matter what comes before or after, because this movie will forever be "The one where a nazi rapes a kid" (he actually rapes MANY kids, male and female, later when he is a member of the taliban) It doesn't matter if Amir tries to redeem himself; he will always be awful in my eye.

If you like the movie, fine. But I have presented my reason for why I do not want to watch any further. And I loathe to point out that any arguments trying to oppose this opinion, will have to explain why raping a child is good for the story.

This is more heinous than Spiderman making a deal with the devil, or Marvel's the Blob eating X-men's Bumblebee... At least they didn't involve child rape...


This has been Fixer Sue, discovering that I really hate movies where children suffer.