Elf

     Will Ferrel. Most of the time just saying his name causes movie-goers to flee... Yet, Elf is a big exception to this rule. Elf is now considered a Christmas classic, up there with A Christmas Story and Christmas Vacation. Why is this? Well, let me tell you what happens first...

(note, this may spoil one or two jokes, and there are guaranteed spoilers ahead. If you haven't seen this movie- go see it now. It is 4 days until Christmas and you haven't seen Elf?)


     The story begins with Papa Elf explaining elf culture; why the Kebler elves bake cookies in trees, how lazy cobblers get work done, and how Santa isn't a slave driver because the elves enjoy making toys. He explains how no human has ever set foot in Santa's workshop... until that one time.
     We are then treated to opening credits similar to that of Franken Bass, and the story begins at an orphanage... Where a baby is being put to bed by a nun in a rather empty room... After the nun leaves, Santa appears. the baby sees a teddy bear in Santa's sack, and sneakily climbs in.
     We then return to the north pole, where everyone is celebrating a successful trip and preparing for next Christmas (they must have some kind of future-sight to be able to prepare brand name toys months in advance...).
     Then the baby crawls out of the sack. (the orphanage must've been Santa's last stop, otherwise he should've noticed the baby in his sack. Unless his bag is dimensionally transcendental, or is just a bag of holding.) The elves assume his name is buddy because it says "little buddy diapers" on his diaper, and Papa elf volunteers to raise him. (No question is brought up of whether Santa should bring him back to the Orphanage...)
      We then have a montage of Buddy growing up, eventually reaching adulthood at around the time regular elves were only children. At the end of the montage, Buddy is shown Santa's sleigh, which Papa Elf added an engine to because Christmas spirit is so low. They discuss why it is so low, Papa elf explaining that it is because people believe the parents to be the ones placing items under the tree.
(Okay, I have to interject and finally tackle this... In stories in which Santa is real, how do the parents explain the gifts that appear under the tree that neither of them bought or wrapped? From a child's perspective the parents being Santa is plausible, but from the parent's perspective it is impossible. 
In addition, they say the sleigh runs on Christmas spirit... yet in the scene with the sleigh, it is at 25%. Is 25% of the world experiencing Christmas 2 from Santa Claus the Movie? It should read zero... Then, later in the movie, the meter says Christmas spirit is zero, yet there are still children. As long as there are Christian children, Christmas spirit could not be zero. Not to mention the fact that Santa != Christmas Spirit, since the same thing can be wrought from watching Christmas movies divorced from Santa. So, the Clausometer does not measure Christmas Spirit, but rather belief in Santa.)
     After giving his adopted-father a hand with repairing the engine, we switch to a scene with buddy building etch-a-sketches... Ming Ming, the foreman, asks how many Etch-a-sketches he's made, and he responds "85...". That alone would be fantastic, Chinese factory workers wish they could reach that number in just a couple hours. but, it is apparent off pace by 915.
(I was going to do a bit of math about how ridiculous that number of Etch-a-sketches is... but apparently there are 22 million Christian Children in the world. So 363,000 (1000 a day for 363 days) etch-a-sketches is actually underwhelming compared to 22,000,000 Children. Santa needs to industrialize; if elves working every day of the year can create enough gifts for 22 million children, imagine what elf-made machines would do-
Oh, right... They did that in Santa Claus the movie, and it got two orphan children beat up.)
     Buddy is then sent to toy testing, where he tormented by Jack-in-a-box's by the dozens... (okay, seriously, what child asks for a jack-in-a-box? What is the appeal? I can see Etch-a-sketches, since they are used creatively, but a jack-in-a-box... it does one thing, and that is pop out of a box and scare people.) Buddy then overhears the foreman telling a worker about how Buddy is a human, causing Buddy to go into a blue screen of death.
     He rushes home, where he runs into the bathroom and slams the door. Papa elf comforts him, and tells him where he came from... and somehow he knows who his real father is, and the series of events that led Buddy to be in the orphanage.
     Buddy is then advised to go to New York and find his father. However, we find out that his father is played a mob boss masquerading as a children's book producer, and is on the naughty-list.
     Undeterred, Buddy goes to New York to find his dad and bring the Christmas spirit to him.
     After some misadventures, Buddy locates his dad, but is kicked out for acting like a crazy-person. He then goes to Gimbels (doesn't exist anymore) and works for the toy department. There, he meets Zooey Deschanel (actually called Jovi in the movie), who is a little deadpan, and disinterested in the Christmas season.
     When Gimbels closes, Buddy begins decorating the entire place in a montage. Afterwards, we meet Walter Dob's (the dad) family. Cut back to Buddy, he has finished his masterpiece, and walks into the girls bathroom while Zooey is in the shower singing "Baby it's Cold Outside." After fleeing from an angry Zooey, Buddy delivers a present to his father, and returns to Gimbels.
      After discovering the Mall Santa was a fake, Buddy freaks out, and is fired and taken to jail for public disturbance (would've occurred much sooner probably). Walter then opens the gift from Buddy, and finds Buddy's picture of his mother and father, and goes to jail to bail Buddy out. Walter then takes Buddy to a hospital to run a Hereditary test. It is confirmed that Buddy is his son, and Buddy goes home with Walter.


I shall stop the summary there; after some deliberation I determined that I didn't really need to do a summary of this movie, and considered removing the summary entirely; but the notes inside it I do like, so it stays.


     Now, this movie I advise against remaking or having a sequel. Sure it was funny, but any sequels will ruin it, and a remake will not have the same charm. But, I will still say how it could be improved as a lesson for future movies.
      First, the actor for Walter Dobbs... He has played a character in the mafia. When he gets mad, it truly sounds terrifying. he wasn't a very good choice for the role. I'm not sure who would be, but a guy who sounds like he will pull a shotgun off the wall and shoot you, not the best guy for a Christmas movie.
     Second, Buddy's antics, while humorous, go on for a bit too long.

     But, beyond those two points, what I love most about the movie is how it can be dramatic at the same time it's comedic. It uses drama well, making the comedy work a better contrast against it. This is the sort of thing comedy movies don't usually get; that being jam-packed with gags, jokes, and sillyness, does not make a lasting film.



This has been Fixer Sue.