The Polar Express

     InB4 OMG CREEPY PEOPLE!

     This movie was created by Robert Zemeckis, who also created Beowulf, the 2009 A Christmas Carol with Jim Carrey. If you can remember any of these three, you'll recognize him as the guy who motion-captures a lot and makes the characters really uncanny.  But, he's also the one who made all the back to the future movies, Forrest Gump, and Cast Away. So, the man knows how to create a good movie... though he may not know what looks natural...

     The Polar express is based off the book of the same name (shock of all shocks, a Christmas special based on a Christmas book... Next thing you know they'll create a The Night Before Christmas movie, and it will feature a family of mice finding out what Christmas is... Wait, never mind that actually does exist. As does a Christmas story about a bear that got it's smile sewn upside down and spends its life improving the storefront window of a toy store... Considering reviewing the second one there) but takes some creative liberties *cough*padding*cough* with the plot.

     The movie starts out with Boy (No name given. He is credited as "Hero boy." Seriously, couldn't even take a couple seconds to introduce the characters...) questioning whether Santa exist or not... believing a lot of the evidence to point to the contrary. Though I think his encyclopedia is a little out of date... It says the north pole is devoid of life. While the fauna of the north are scarce, there are still animals there.
     After he falls asleep, he wakes up at 5 to 11, and hears the sound of a train. He goes outside to investigate, and boards the Polar Express.
     On the train, he meets Girl (this movie has an aversion to names) and Know-it-all. After a quick pass-by Herpolsheimer's (a really old department store, cementing this story as "In the past"), they make their last stop at the house of a boy named Billy (we only learn his name in the last 20 minutes, so it doesn't avert the aversion to names). Billy at first doesn't want to ride the joy train to happies vile, but then decides he does, and tries to catch up to the train. He fails, so Boy pulls the emergency brake and allows him to get on. But, Billy heads to the last train car, and sits alone. (For the longest time I thought Billy was Jewish, and that's why he didn't want to be with the others who celebrate Christmas. ...I was 10, what do you want from me?) Boy is then berated by Tom Hanks for pulling the brake, and thus begins a long running gag about Boy and brakes.
    After everyone is served hot chocolate by those creepy statues of Itallians you usually see in furniture stores or at the front of pseudo-Itallian restaraunts, Boy loses Girl's ticket before she got it punched. As a consequence, the conductor took her to the back train car, and had her walk with him on top of the train-

     Okay I can't ignore it... That isn't flour they're walking in, it is snow. And they are all in pyjamas. The'd get Hypothermia EXTREMELY easily, especially when the wind is blowing atop the train cars.
And that's another thing; the number of train cars varies form scene to scene. At times there are only 3 plus the engine, while in some scenes it is extremely long. Judging based on story and transition, the 3 train cars version seems to be the correct one. One for the recycled toys, one for the children, and an overflow behind the one for children, which Billy hangs out in. There are at most only 30 children along for the ride, as evidenced by the scene where they arrive at the north pole, meaning that the version with 7 or so cars is mostly empty. But I guess a 4 piece train isn't "Majestic."

     Anyway, Boy ends up finding Girl's ticket, and tries to go return it. While doing so, he meets hobo, who makes him wonder if it is all just a dream. Then he goes skiing with boy to get him to the engine before he is crushed by flat-top tunnel... Or, alternatively, he could just put Boy into one of the train cars, and get to the front that way... Save a lot of time and effort.
     Upon arrival at the front, Girl is chilling in the engine room, where the engineer has showed her everything about the train. After some adventures with Caraboo, and riding the train like a roller coaster (Who builds the tracks like that? if they can suspend the tracks, do it so that it goes FLAT.) Boy returns Girl's ticket, and they return to their seats.
     Or, rather, they go to the back car to have a sing-song with Billy. No idea why.
     After a few more minutes, they arrive at the North Pole...You'd think we'd be done, right? Their journey is over, and they are going to meet Santa.
     Nope, Billy initially doesn't want to go. So Girl and Boy try to convince him. But, by accident, the train car detaches, and causes them to go the opposite direction of the town square. Thus there is another dangerous adventure through areas with 0 compliance with OSHA standards and regulations... Concluding with all of them eventually at the Square to meet Santa.
     Then Santa's reindeer come out, as to the bells they wear. The bells don't make a sound. Then Boy says he believes, and the bell makes a sound. Boy is then chosen to receive the first gift of Christmas, adn he chooses the bell.
     Later, he discovers he lost the bell in his pocket with the ripped hole. Oh noes.... But then Santa returns it on Christmas Day. Huzzahs! And his parents don't hear the bell because they don't believe in Santa. KK.


     Amazingly enough, despite its flaws, I don't tend to harp on The Polar Express while watching it. Now, this could mean that it is actually really boring... but I find it to be decent, to say the least.
     However, I could do without a lot of the extra bits... It is 1 and 2/3rds an hour long, we don't really need a scene of an eagle feeding the ticket to it's baby, only for it to cough up the ticket. Nor do we need most of the third act. The second act is okay, as it works more as an experience, like we are with the characters doing what they are doing... but it could also be trimmed. I say this movie could be perfect at 80 minutes.
      Also, give the children names... while referring to them as Boy and Girl is humorous, there is no real way to discuss the movie without names. Imagine a TV show built like that, where you don't know anyone's name, you just know them by some trait and always refer to them as that trait. Wouldn't last long...
     Lastly, ditch Know-it-all kid. He's creepy and annoying.


This has been Fixer Sue. Tomorrow... oh bugger if I know.