Santa Claus: The Movie

     26 years after Saint nicholas fought the devil, and 21 years after Santa Claus conquered the head-butting martians, the Big Lebowski defeated a greedy business man that wanted to make a sequel to Christmas. Though that sentence is incredibly strange, there probably will be stranger in the future.

     Yes, this movie exists; and guess what, it isn't half bad. It actually has a small cult following believe it or not. And I'll admit, it is pretty good. For a christmas movie I mean. You aren't going to want to watch it at any other point in time.

     And this holiday season, I have decided to look into a large number of holiday specials and movies, giving my take on them, how they could be improved, and coming to some conclusion as to why we have different standards for holiday movies and why we don't want to see them out of the month of December.

     To accomplish this goal, I shall be doing a review a day all the way to December 24th. How will I do this you may ask? Especially considering I have more important college classes and a finals week that should have my full, undivided attention? Simple: I'm cheating. I wrote this review in early October.

Without further adue, let's analyze.



     Santa Claus the movie starts out with the origin of Santa; not the idea or the original person, think Santa Claus is Coming to Town and you'll get an idea of what I mean by origin.
     Santa starts out as a regular man who likes to make toys out of wood for the children of his town/region. After he, his wife, and his reindeer (only 2 at that moment in time) get caught in a large snow storm, they are saved by a group of elves (that seem more like gnomes in design). The elves somehow make Santa and his wife immortal, but considering they are immortal themselves and can make night last as long as Santa needs to deliver the toys, it isn't worth buggering over.
     After several centuries of delivering toys, Santa is running himself haggard, and needs an assistant. He names a inventor elf named Patch as his assistant, and Patch constructs a machine that makes toys automatically. However, Patch forgets to do quality tests on the toys, and they start falling apart when the children start playing with them. Because of this, Patch goes into self-imposed exile, and travels to New York (what Christmas movies have against England and love about New York, I have no clue).
     There, he meets the manager of a toy company, who is so corrupt that he doesn't bat an eye at teddy bears filled with nails. Patch comes to him with the idea of candy that allows those who consume it to float... Though that isn't a smart idea considering it is really hard to burp without carbonated drinks, the candy is successful and proves popular. The executive, seeing the money opportunity, comes up with the idea of a second Christmas on March 25th.
     To make more money, they increase the formula used for the floating candy, which would make people fly if consumed, but it has the side effect of making the candy explode. The manager opts to take the money and run, but is found out and caught by the police. Patch then quickly takes the exploding candy to the North Pole, where he is then saved from dying by Santa.


Now with the summary out of the way, lets find the problems:

     The focus for the main character changes from Santa, to Patch, at about the first plot point. For a movie called "Santa Claus: The Movie," Santa plays a relatively minor role in the story. We learn his origins, he does some stuff, then we focus on Patch. Which makes sense; Santa is a stagnant character, he isn't going to change, and nothing is really going to happen to him. Patch however, can grow as a character. It is odd, but not worth tarrying for.

     The biggest problem I found was in the reaction of the individuals in the film to their situations. At numerous points in time, people act differently from what would think normal or logical:

• The Claus' are only slightly disoriented when they are told they will live forever, and that Santa will deliver toys to children all around the world. A normal person would be taken aback, and feel forced into a form of slavery, unless the choice was given to them.
• There are two children who get to meet Santa, and one of them even gets a ride in his sleigh; when the other children become angry about their broken toys from Santa, they place their anger on the two, and cite how the two are underprivileged orphans. The children wouldn't really believe the two normally, and if by some chance they did believe them, then they wouldn't be beating the two up because of the broken toys. 

     However, there is one point where the character's reaction is perfect, and is probably one of the best scenes I have ever seen. 

     I would love to go into detail of the scene, but I don't want to ruin it by telling it in the form of text. Go watch the movie on Netflix instant, if only to see why Patch goes into exile.
     Beyond that, the special does have some heart in it, and I can't find too much fault in it. It is fine as-is, and I doubt anyone will try to remake it.


Next time however, is something truly despicable...