The Finster Who Stole Christmas

And we are right back to the rugrats... Or, rather, it's spin-off, All Grown Up. I was actually briefly a part of the age group that liked this show, and can give the gist of it: it's Rugrats, with all the characters being older, and getting into boring, every-sitcom situations. It managed to last 5 seasons, but with 52 episodes, it isn't that impressive... My little Pony is on it's third season, and it is pushing 60 episodes (though if this season wasn't shortened, it'd probably be more).

Not much has changed, so I'll just bring up the necessary information as it occurs.


     The episode begins with Dil discussing with his brotehr Tommy about how Christmas has all the good songs, while Hanukkah has barely any... (I can disagree. There is "Chanukah, Oh Chanukah" which Barenaked ladies did a cover of, and i personally like more than Christmas Songs. There are also half a dozen other songs that, while they aren't mainstream, do exist and are sung around Hanukkah. Plus, Jingle Bells isn't actually a Christmas song; we just sing it around that time, and it got attributed to it. Jingle Bells has much to do with Christmas as Eggs do with the rebirth of Jesus.) Dil then decides to write a Hanukkah song... And it is terrible. There is a reason why Jewish music is awesome, and they miss it.

Here is a good example of good Jewish music:

No further explanation required.

     All the other kids are discussing what they are doing over the holidays, including Angelica being put on a bus (figuratively, but still joy to be found), and Chuckie delivers the funniest line in the show:

"What are you doing for the holidays Chuckie?"

"The usual. High expectations met with crushing disappointment."

    We then cut to Chuckie and Tommy at Chuckie's house, looking over a DVD of all the Christmas' of the Finster household... and how they always have a terrible tree that makes Charlie Brown's tree look like the Rockefeller Tree. (Chaz must be a massive cheapskate...) The best thing I can say is that the show keeps continuity; when it shows Chuckie as a baby, it manages to follow the established canon for what he and his now-dead birth-mother looked like.

     Chuckie then complains about how his dad never springs to make Christmas more enjoyable... to which I call Bull, since the very first Rugrats Christmas special had Chaz dressing up as Santa Claus and going down the chimney just to give Chuckie a good Christmas. so, yeah, what I said about continuity, I revoke that. We are only 3 and a half minutes in. 
     Chuckie and Tommy come to the conclusion that the trees are the reason why Christmas is so bad... That if they spring for the good tree, then Christmas will be good. But, surprise surprise, when they go to buy the tree, Chuckie's dad chooses to buy some kindling as the tree. 
     They do establish him as cheap for not wanting to buy the dead tree at 15 bucks (dude, it is 15 bucks. If you are so cheap that 15 dollars is too much for a tree, go buy one of those tiny fake trees. You'll never have to buy another one, save a lot of money, and you still get to look like a cheapass.) and Chuckie walks home dejected. (Buy a better tree yourself Chuckie. You do work, you get paid, if you really want a good Christmas, do it yourself. You can't expect to get what you want by doing nothing!) After accidentally knocking over a plastic Santa, Chuckie spots a perfectly good tree being thrown out.

..........

Why does this pop up so often? Why does this cross cultural boundries? Why is it that I can point to this SAME PLOTPOINT in the anime series Chobits, which is about computers developing Actual Intelligence and the implications of that. If you see someone has thrown something out, LEAVE IT ALONE. It doesn't matter if it looks cool, or if it looks perfectly intact... The people who actually own it either aren't throwing it out, or there is a good reason as to why they trashed it! LEAVE. PEOPLE'S. TRASH. ALOOOOONE.

     So Chuckie steals some people's tree, and takes it as his own. You can guess the plot from here... Chuckie finds out the people weren't throwing it out, and suddenly regrets taking it. Meanwhile, his father actually springs for the good decorations, and doing exactly what Chuckie wanted in terms of making Christmas more... interesting I suppose.

     One thing I have to note, is that everyone is taking Christmas trees WAY too seriously. Sure it cost a lot, but all, ALL, Chuckie has to do, is go up to the family, Apologize for taking the tree, explain the misunderstanding, and work to pay them back. That same family can then go out and buy a new tree, or go buy a fake one like most consumers nowadays. It isn't the end of the world. but no, it HAS to be the tree he took. Moron...

     Meanwhile, Chuckie's sister and step-mother are stuck in Japan because of their plane bumping them (lawsuit, lawsuit, la-la-la-la-lawsuit!). Think the mother's subplot from Home Alone, and you get an idea of what's going down with them.

    Then, Chuckie gets the idea to buy the family a new tree. Close Chuckie, but I'm afraid the universe wants you to fully suffer for your transgression and stupidity. They buy a crappy tree because it is the only one left, and it cost Chuckie $50 (Really?! I mean come on... here: This tree is fake, but it cost the same amount of money, is 4 feet tall, comes with it's own built-in lights, and most important: is full of leaves, and can be reused over and over. Why is everyone an idiot...). Then, they drop the tree, and a drunk truck driver runs it over without a care in the world. Not even stopping to inquire about the tree, or pay them back for it. Sucks to be in a sitcom.

    We then cut back to the Java Lava (coffee shop run by Phil and Lil's parents.) where Dil is asking what rhymes with Dreidel. (Ladle. Fable. the dreidel came from a fable. bam, rhyme. don't lie and say nothing rhymes with dreidel.) Once Chuckie arrives though, the universe decides to torment him, with everyone talking about how evil the theif is, and Phil and Lil's mother go so far as to put security cameras in their mom-and-pop coffee shop... (This isn't Footloose, you aren't in some super religious small-town people... You are obsessing over a TREE! If you really think they're going to have a terrible Christmas without a tree, GO BUY ONE FOR THEM.) They even get into God smiting the theif... (something tells me that if God is complacent about actual thieves that steal things worth more than 60 bucks, he isn't going to smite a 13 year old.) 

    That night, Chuckie has nightmares akin to A Christmas Carol, only with just the Present... and then suddenly takes a left turn into exodus, with the tree turning into the burning bush, and god proclaiming that he is that he is. Ease up Chuckie, thou shalt not be smitten. Especially not since you are a Christian, since you celebrate Christmas, and the smiting was usually done by the god of the old testament... You know, the vengeful god that turned Lot's wife into salt when she looked back at Sodom and Gomorrah. The smiting God won't care about Christmas at all, and the non-smiting god that does care about Christmas won't be smiting thee. Basic religion people...

     We see Kimi and her mom have managed to get a flight to Hawaii, and are trying to get their luggage for their next flight. These two are the only sane people, so I can't really harp on them.

     The gang is then all at the Mall, chatting away about stuff. Tommy is telling Dil about how they have to finish their song before Christmas-

... I was going to go on a diatribe about how Christmas as a due date is incredibly stupid since it is Hanukkah they are writing for, but then I looked up when Hanukkah was in 2005, when this episode was released... and ironically Hanukkah started the same day as Christmas. So fine, it gets off there. 

     - and Chuckie is going nuts and yelling at a tree in the middle of the mall. WHY DOES EVERYTHING IN THIS SPECIAL MAKE ME LOSE MY CHERUB-LIKE DEMEANOR?!

    Chuckie finally comes clean to all of his friends about his misdeed, and now SUDDENLY they are forgiving of the TERRIBLE THIEF WHO STOLE THE ICON OF LOVING AND HUMAN UNDERSTANDING AND DESERVES TO BE SMITTEN. Goddamn I thought the Jimmy Neutron special was stupid and made me rage, this episode is giving me a headache!

     Then at the Christmas party, they receive the news that Kimi and her mom are in Mexico, and won't be home for Christmas... Why didn't we focus on this plot? This is the relatable, non-banal plot. It has the possibility for some heart and real comedy behind it. 
    But no, now Tommy gets the idea to steal Chuckie's tree, and return it. (You know, this hasn't be considered... Anyone consider checking to see if the family went out and got another tree already? We just sort of assume that they didn't.) Terrible idea of course, because the neighborhood is on the look out for tree thieves  and they were dumb enough to wear ski-masks... You aren't actually stealing it, you are returning it in the middle of the night, don't be morons.
     Surprisingly, they manage to return the tree without a problem, not even being caught. Though Chuckie's dad FINALLY points out the flaw in everyone's thinking: Why would someone steal a tree, when other things are MUCH more valuable? Then he discovers pine needles in Chuckie's hair, and Chuckie confesses to his crime.
    Then Kimi and her mom finally arrive (likely exhausted from traveling all night) and Kimi's mom brings a bonsai tree to use as the Christmas tree... I'm just wondering how it survived the trip.
    Then we get the Aesop about how Christmas is about family... a fine Aesop, but there are better ways to go about it.

    We then close out on a Christmas recital (I don't know about you, but after Christmas morning I really don't care to hear carols.) where the Pickles brothers (Tommy and Dil) show off their terrible Hanukkah song. In a Christian Church. 

Everyone is morons. It is best summarized as that. This might actually be as painful, if not more painful, than the Jimmy Neutron special. While at the very least this special tries to include other religions like Judaism, which is somewhat refreshing, the special still falls extremely flat.

So, how to improve it...

A Japanese Christmas

    Believe it or not, Japan celebrates Christmas too. However, it is actually pretty divorced from it's Christian and Pagan roots.  It has a lot of the staples; Santa Claus, gift giving... but also some minor differences from how America celebrates. I say that the special should have been about the gang being in Japan, celebrating their Christmas there, just being together and having fun. Is it really so hard to ask that a Christmas special just be happy and not include pain?

This has been Fixer Sue... 11 more days. I think I won't be returning to Nickelodeon specials; I think we've established that they are painful garbage.